Month: November 2019

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#56 Coffee with John

I don’t know if I have a clear takeaway. What I left with was the thought of the stories we leave behind and the stories that precede us – those of our ancestors including our parents and next of kin.

How do those stories shape and define us? Do they inform us? Do the weight on us? Do those stories have any bearing on our lives and future? Do they matter in the end?

As someone that likes stories, I have always been curious about the stories of my relatives and those that came before me.

But what about mine? What is my story?

“…jmm was born in a small town in Colombia..life circumstances brought him to the United States where he lived in New York for XX years…Went to XX college..worked at XX place for XX years. He was married for XX years and had an only child. Not long after turning 45, his wife passed, leaving him a widower. After that, he continued to live in Charlotte NC for XX years until he blah, blah, blah. And that, children, is the story of your great grant-uncle/grandfather/great-grandfather/….”

That’s certainly part of my tale but do I even care if it’s passed down to future generations? Do you think of the story or legacy you will leave behind for the next bloodline?

All I can say is that what matters to me is having a positive imprint in the people around me – my kid, family, friends, colleagues, community and those I come in contact with, even for short periods.

In the end, whatever the story people will tell about me in the future (or even now) is filtered through their own lenses. So, all I can do is live life and write my story as life happens. I leave others to interpret and create their own narrative of it.

I guess the takeaway is that stories of our past, along with us, will fade. What matters is the now and how we chose to live our lives at this moment for ourselves and for those in our lives.


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#55 Coffee with John

Coffee with John #55

This was another meet up that had been in the works since the beginning of Coffee with John (CWJ). For whatever reason, it took until this past Saturday morning to come to fruition.

All I can say is that it was a fulfilling get-together on so many levels. To paraphrase the lovely and beautiful soul that made that cold Saturday morning radiant, “the meeting was natural.”

Maybe we would have not talked for two or so hours if we had met before. Maybe, after not seeing each other for 7+years, the meeting would have been awkward if we had met a year go. May we would have not connected as we did.

Lots of maybes but I have no doubt in my mind that the timing was perfect. We were meant to have that meeting when we did.

One of the takeaways from that is that we can’t rush or force things. I try not to push or force Coffee with John meetings on people. If it happens, it happens. Sometimes I might insist but I do try for these meetings to be as organic as possible. Sometimes people come to me, other times I go to them.

There are plenty of people that I have approached or that have shown an initial interest but no dice. And I am okay with that. I truly believe you can’t force things. It’s all good. Let go and receive, right?

The other takeaway from this meeting was a reminder for me to focus on myself again. I have been talking a lot about exploring and focusing on myself but I have been distracted by going out, attending networking events, meeting/dating people or just getting involved with different projects — not that any of that hasn’t been fun. It has been a blast but I have neglected some things I had set out to do a while back.

The conversation reminded me to take the time to get to know and reconnect with myself. For me, my identity as a husband and father is being redefined. I am reconnecting with pieces of myself that I might have forgotten as well as discovering new aspects of myself. There are also aspects of my personality that I want to work on.

We all need to connect with that being that resides within us. Sometimes we take it from granted and focus on other priorities.

The journey to connect with that special inner being can take many forms and we all need to find our path. It can mean reading self-help books, taking personality tests, meditating, challenging yourself out of your comfort zone, exploring poetry, taking time off from whatever distractions, connecting with the artist within or just being comfortable in solitude.

I have rambled enough. If you made it this far, I thank you for reading and send you my love for being you, just the way you are.

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#53 Coffee with John

Coffee with John #53

Holy crap! That’s how my day leading to Coffee with John #53 started.

I had woken up feeling dandy, outlining in my mind the rest of the day. I had just gotten out of the shower and I was ready to tackle the morning. I went to look at my phone to find a message reading something like “running late for our coffee meeting. Should be there shortly.”

Holy crap! I had completely forgotten about the meeting, which we had scheduled almost a month in advance and which had been on the works since I began Coffee with John almost a year ago.

So holy crap I had to hustle to make it. Luckily, I called to let them know of my mishap and we worked things out. We had a great meet up and conversation.

But that whole day was just a series of holy crap! I went the whole day commiting a series of forgetful infractions. I can’t even remember but just to give you an example I had forgotten that I had turned the burner on but, luckily, I had turned the wrong one on where I had placed milk to boil. So it went the whole day just like that. All I know is that fortunately I don’t operate heavy machinery for work or else someone might have lost a finger or worse.

The takeaway from the meeting and that eventful day is to be flexible with yourself as somedays things will just not go as planned.

We could have mutually gotten upset and canceled the meet up as we were both running late. I could have beaten myself for not being more attentive to my surroundings or more organized in my planning.

In those situations, you have to take ownership, laugh at yourself and go with the flow.