Month: April 2020

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#63 Coffee with John – Virtual Edition

“How do we set a meeting with you?” was the message I found on my Messenger.

I can’t say that I know the sender well, or at all. They were friends with my wife. I remember seeing them once or twice before but no real interaction beyond pleasantries.

I replied to the message and within a few days, we were having Coffee with John #63, virtual edition. The beauty – and the takeaway – is that I came into the situation empty, no judgments, no expectations, no attachments to any outcomes. I opened myself to the experience, fully.

We had a great conversation lasting more than an hour. I learned about this person’s family, experiences, beliefs, aspirations. We shared a moment, a moment that might not have an overall significance in our lives but it was a moment of two strangers coming together connecting in a world that seems disconnected, disjointed, and alienated. The experience enriched me as a person, adding to my morning routine and expanding my knowledge and network.

Be open to possibilities. Come empty to situations without attachments. You never know how those experiences will change or contribute to your well-being. In the end, life is a sum of moments.

From a time long ago when people used to meet face to face for coffee
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#62 Coffee with John

“I am more than I have shown you and more than you are willing to see. Let’s work our love and know each other more fully.” Mark Nepo

My first virtual Coffee with John since the lock-down/quarantine began I shared with a friend of more than 24 years. She is my sister from another mother. My Puerto Rican sista!

This woman has had my back more times than I can count. While in college, she saved my ass countless times from starving with all of her extra meal points. My first official job after graduating I owe to her. If I had a Board Committee, she has been the Vice President, giving me advice, helping me when I have been down, and just being an incredible friend all throughout the twenty-plus years that we have known each other. Her acts of kindness have humbled me and, hopefully, made me a better friend to people.

The takeaway after our three-hour conversation is that there is not enough time in a lifespan to truly know someone. Over the course of our talk, we discovered new things about each other. Nothing deeply revealing or shocking but just new facts and quirks, adding and enriching an already rich friendship.

We don’t let people see aspects of ourselves either because the opportunity never presents itself or we refuse for reasons that we only know. Also, we limit ourselves in seeing or truly getting to know someone because of our own blinders, fears, and stories we carry. The time to change that is now.

We are experiencing an incredibly challenging and taxing time in our history with uncertainty looming at every corner. If you can and are in a position to do so, I encourage you to get to know people in your life in a whole different way. You might never get a chance like this again in a lifetime. Get a book of questions to ask, spend more time with loved ones, and/or get lost in their worlds. Let them see you and let them freely express themselves so you can see them, truly see them.

My sister from another mother
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#61 Coffee with John

Coffee with John #61, just before all hit the fan.

My last Coffee with John meeting seems like ages ago. This was before the pandemic shelter in place ordinance I know, right? Ages ago!

Still, the takeaway seems more relevant than ever. The soulful person I met up with talked about locking herself and getting in touch with creativity.

Not sure how she has followed through but creativity has recently been a place I go to when facing personal challenges. Improv classes, drawing, acting, attempting to play the uke, taking pictures, writing, and just doing projects around the house have worked for me during this last year or so as a safe place to deal with my emotions.

In the last few weeks, I have seen creativity flourishing in all areas. People are getting creative in communicating with friends, loved ones, and colleagues. I have seen families come together to play different games. I have seen people decorate their sidewalks with chalk drawings. I have seen videos of people doing all kinds of creative activities – dancing, singing from balconies, cheering healthcare workers from across buildings, etc. Creativity flourishing during critical times is nothing new. Shakespeare wrote the narrative poems “Venus and Adonis,” and “The Rape of Lucrece” during the 1592-94 plague. I am sure we can look at history and the samples abound.

We all deal with challenges differently and no one way is the right way. But I say embrace creativity in your life. It might not mean creating a masterpiece or even delving into artistic endeavors. Creativity comes in many shapes and forms. It’s up to you to find your medium.

Be safe and hope we can meet up sometime soon for coffee.