Month: February 2021

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#91 Coffee with John, Virtual Edition

I had my takeaway all written down in my mind as soon as I finished my conversation with the wonderful, delightful, hopeful, jovial, and beautiful soul that accompanied me in this edition of CWJ.

I don’t take notes during my meet-ups. The idea for the write-up came bright and clear as soon as we ended our talk. But alas, how the mind betrays. Since then, over the weeks, my thoughts have evaporated with only a vague notion of what I wanted to convey.

Inspired by my mate’s artistry, creativity, and her journey of dealing with dramatic, life-altering events, the write I had in mind was about the space we tend to permanently occupy in our minds — that enduring space that affects our outlook in life. This is not to say that we don’t fluctuate in our line of thinking or that life events don’t color our perspective of the world and our role in it.

We have periods in which we set up camp in a dark space where all is daunting and opportunities don’t seem to exists. Other times, we find a bright spot where all is possible and nothing deters our determination, passion, dream, goals. Both of those or other places where we find camping can last a few seasons in our lives.

Still, we have a constant baseline that we can call home, the place that has for most of our lives determined our disposition. i.e. hopeful, funny, bright, pessimistic, jovial, trustworthy, loving, open-minded, power seeker, etc. Physiologist Gordon W. Allport called these, central dispositions or central traits. Now, that’s as far as I know about the terminology or the physiology of personal traits. I didn’t even know about the nomenclature of dispositions until writing this fifth paragraph. But I am digressing nor do I want to get into different personality traits as I know nothing about them.

What I left thinking about after CWJ #91 was about that space we occupy and how that space colors and affects how we chose to see and engage in life. I am aware that chemical imbalances, life circumstances, trauma, or a combination of other factors can completely alter our outlook, but what would you say is your baseline? How do you engage and see the world?

PS: I only identify my coffee mates if given permission or if the occasion lends itself. Here is the link to where you can find out more about the awesome, talented artist (Anita Darling – Fine Art) that accompanied me for Coffee with John #91:

https://bit.ly/2ZDqTiH

You may also find her on Instagram, at https://www.instagram.com/anita.darling.fineart/

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Interlude- Happy Valentine’s

Let love be an invitation to carry you in this world, caring, forgiving, and giving to you and the world the best version of yourself with all the wonderful imperfections that make you.

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Intermission – Question

While I work on my last write up for CWJ#91, here I share a video for your entertainment.

Hope you join me in moving or at least sharing with me what gives you energy aside from a good cup of coffee

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#90 Coffee with John

I can’t say that I have been wronged to the point where my trust has been shattered. At the same time, I am not sure how you can measure such a thing.

A few events come to mind where I can say that my trust and faith in people have been tested. But, honestly, I probably have been guilty of being on the side of the culprit. How many times we do things without truly taking into account the effect of those actions on others? Or how many other times we feel like we have no option but to do something that you know will end-up hurting others?

Some situations are clear where the betrayal and hurt cut deep, sending people over the edge to the point of depression, despair, and being blinded by rage and a desire for vengeance or retaliation.

Maybe the depth of betrayal doesn’t matter in the end. What matters is the ability to forgive the trespassers of your trust.

That ability and the rays of hope and light that accompany the power to move forward and truly forgive I found in my coffee mate for this edition. Her story is that of hers to tell. What I will say is that it took, according to her own accord, time and healing to reach that point where she could sit on that understanding, moving to a place of peace, love, and grace.

Finding that power can set us free. Is it easy? Probably, not.

Now, I believe that I don’t hold grudges, but – if ever the time comes when I am truly tested – I hope I have the power to be beckoned by forgiveness and live and breathe on that space.

PS:

To learn more about the beautiful soul behind the story, you can check her blog, at https://porchdaydreamer.com/about/ You can also follow her Instagram, Porch Daydreamer

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#89 Coffee with John

Unfortunately, 89. My coffee mate was hoping to be #88 for this edition of CWJ – a number in numerology symbolizing fortune and good luck.

Her fortune as of late had taken a turn, going from independence to dependence, richness to hard economic times. Nonetheless, she was hopeful and talked of her resilience with lots of personal and professional projects under the works.

One of her projects, inspired by her grandmother, that we discussed includes collecting stories in the form of a set of four core questions from women that intrigue her. The ultimate goal for my coffee mate is to self-publish the collection with the intent of preserving the stories of those women for future generations.

She asked me to be a part of her project by answering the questions on behalf of my wife to give voice to Lari’s story. While I can’t say or know what Lari would have answered if she was still in this world, here I am taking the liberty of sharing an excerpt from one of my responses:

Can you recount an event, or time, when your perspective shifted significantly?  How?

 As a kid, because of health reasons and this perceived notion that I was a shy child, I was sheltered and overprotected by my family to the point where it was detrimental to my self-confidence and self-esteem. As a result, I had to overcome insecurities and false beliefs about myself and my capabilities. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment when I was able to free myself from that past and those limiting beliefs but a big contributing factor to reaching that shift had to do with forgiveness. I had to let go of resentment and be kind to myself as well as towards my family…

Not, 88. But, fittingly, 89 – a number that symbolizes building and creating a long-term positive effect on the society. I don’t know if my coffee mate will ever publish her project (we met through Bumble Bizz and, aside from our conversation and a few follow-up emails, we have not touched base again – as it happens in general). All I know is that in sharing and connecting with others through her effort, she is building and having a positive effect, creating a space to share stories and, in a way, preserving the stories of different women.