March 2023 – Coffee With John

March 9, 2023March 9, 2023

#118 Coffee with John

You have plumbing issues! I have plumbing issues! We all have plumbing issues.

Plumbing, health, emotional, or any other type of issues/distresses/stresses, we all going to experience them at some point in our lives.

But we have this perspective that either it’s only us and that the grass is always greener on the other side.

Physics dictates that indeed grass is greener on the other side but that’s because we are looking at the distance, not the ground where we are standing where flooding water might be soaking our brand-new boots.

The paradox here is that at other times we don’t notice the patch of green grass at our reach; we only focus on the drowning feeling of the situation. Perhaps that’s the myopic dichotomy of the human experience: we compare, put other people’s lives on a pedal stool, and suffer alone in our own drama.

We all have problems and challenges of varying degrees. Of course, we all have different resources and support to deal with them. Not all of us are fortunate to have the financial, emotional, or appropriate resources to tackle broken pipes, fallen down fences, or -thinking of a friend here – back surgery.

Still, no matter the resources or the tools at our disposal, my point is that we need to take a step back to empathize with others and stop looking through a prism of the “only me situation” and “if I only had their lives.”

My other takeaway from my conversation with my superb, incredibly brilliant, insightful, and understanding coffee mate for Coffee with John #118: never, ever attempt to walk 12 NYC blocks wearing new boots and a turtle neck on a mildly warm winter day. You will be late and a sweaty mess.

March 8, 2023March 9, 2023

#119 Coffee with John

Sitting down for coffee in New York City on a rainy, cold winter morning with one of my closest and oldest friends from college this past February triggered memories of the sweetness of a city I called home for nearly 17 years.

New York saw me grow, giving me unforgettable experiences, like running for my life after getting jumped in an apartment lobby on Halloween evening to my most memorable one: seeing my son born in Lenox Hill Hospital in Manhattan.

Whenever I step out into the New York City streets, part of me returns to a place and time of my life that warms my heart and soul. Sharing coffee and breakfast that morning with my friend moved me in a way I had not expected.

Our friendship has always gone through phases where some years we more or less lose touch. Still, no matter the years or how long we have not seen each other, we share one of those relationships where we can always pick up wherever we left off, talking and laughing about this and that.

Seeing this old friend had the same feeling that erupts within me whenever I return to New York: a coming back home in ways that feed and lift my spirit. I could not have asked for a more fitting impromptu “Coffee with John,” than this occasion.

Sounds corny, but the saying, “home is where the heart is” holds true. We can return to “home” in the relationships we carry, and in the places and people we hold close. Cherish the moments and opportunities to visit your metaphorical home.

March 5, 2023

#117 Coffee with John

“What has been your favorite Coffee with John?” I get asked this question regularly.

It may sound like a cop-out, but I don’t have a definite answer. The 116 meetings so far have all had their moment in my heart, propelling me in the direction I needed. Having said that, meeting #117 stands on its own.

My son has a high school friend whom I have enjoyed knowing throughout the years. He is bright, charming, charismatic, curious, and engaging. In the last few years, he would surprise me with a visit when he was in the area, even knowing that my son was not home.

We would catch up and have a quick conversation, but those moments always felt rushed. Whenever he dropped by, I was either pressed for work or scrambling to rush out of the house.

I can’t remember how long it had been since I had seen or heard from him after he moved out of the area. So, I was thrilled when he reached out to schedule a Coffee with John meet-up at the beginning of this year.

After going back and forth, our meeting coincided with my son’s performance for CreativeMornings Charlotte. We had to do some shuffling and running around town that morning as he doesn’t have a car, but we worked it out, deciding I would pick him up to drive together to see my son perform.

Our coffee meeting started when he got inside the car until I dropped him off three hours later at his house after the CreativeMornings event. During that time, I had the chance to express my appreciation for his energy, kindness, sensibility, and his friendship with my son.

In between, we caught up with each other, experienced a great performance (I might be biased, but it was a wonderful and magical performance), and connected with creatives and community leaders attending the event. An added benefit for me was drinking a whole lot of free coffee! My hands were jittery from all the caffeine and the excitement of seeing my kid perform in front of a full house.

I loved that we were both flexible with the circumstances. Could we have been more present with each other? Could we have delved deeper into the various topics that surfaced? Probably, but we adapted and enjoyed the in-between moments.

We reconnected. He had the chance to enjoy his high school friend at a pivotal moment in his musical journey, and I got to enjoy my son and spend time with a delightful individual.

The takeaway: Move in the direction of the momentum. Surf that wave, losing and putting aside the rigidity of what it’s supposed to look or feel like. We get so caught up in ideals and forget to adapt to the water and surf.