Tag: adventure

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#113 Coffee with John

When was the last time you did something for pure joy?

Most kids do that all the time. They might have some initial trepidation, but they go for the adventure, letting themselves be carried away by the moment without care or worries. They run down the hill with open arms, laughing and being present.

As adults, we tend not to be easily swayed by that hill, holding back and overthinking: it’s too steep, and what if I fall; my shoes will get dirty; I don’t have the proper attire; I will have to come back up; and a thousand other thoughts crossing our minds before we turn our backs away from that magnificent mountain top beckoning us to take the chance.

Am I an adventurous person? Have I always been adventurous?

I don’t know if I have a check box to answer either of those questions.

I have turned my back and stepped away from a promise of an adventure many times. Fear, skepticism, mistrust, and lack of confidence have been the culprits. Yet, I feel I have taken many steps forward in following a path open to exploring and running down valleys of fun wherever they take me.

It doesn’t mean my old friend trepidation stops visiting with vows of seduction, tempting me to take the bait to rest in a cradle of comfort and safety. A case in point: a few days before my Coffee with John #113 that old acquaintance came knocking hard.

No good reason or anything to do with my coffee mate but dread was getting the best of me. I don’t know why.

Perhaps my hesitation came on the heels of pondering the question a few weeks back of why I was continuing this project (a question that each new meeting provides new steadfast grounds to forge forward).

The meeting reminded me to let go of reasons, justifications, fears. Trust and run the mountain top with open arms to all possibilities.

If I had canceled or postponed the meeting, I would have robbed myself of a joyful conversation, a good coffee, and the chance to get to know an intriguing lawyer/business owner with a penchant for history, making a difference and leaving a mark in the landscape of Charlotte.

Spread your arms wide and embrace the adventure of everyday life.

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#88 Coffee with John, phone edition – a first

BeforeĀ Bumble blocked me, I had managed to get in touch with a few people on the dating mode of the application interested in CWJ, meeting face-to-face with one and talking over the phone with two others. The first of those meetings was over the phone, the first time for CWJ.

The conversation took place during the early evening as my coffee mate (not sure if either of us were drinking coffee because of the hour, but still) commuted back home from work, making it more conducive and safer to talk over the phone than to hold a virtual talk.

I was not sure what to expect since before our meeting we had perhaps exchanged a few texts over the app about the project and scheduling. Also, we had never met before and all we had for reference were the profile pictures on Bumble.

Surprisingly, we ended up talking over the phone for close to two hours with the conversation ranging from the perfunctory to the more nuanced, touching on personal issues of life experiences.

One of the themes that surfaced was about giving yourself permission, the freedom, kindness, and fortitude to fail, take risks, and live the moment with abandonment. Release the shackles of our expectations and image of what life we are supposed to live. Not saying we need to be a reckless mess without consideration of others. On the contrary, we need to take heed of our own consideration.

How many times have you found yourself acting a certain way or performing a task/function based on other’s perceptions? How many times you put your own feelings aside in the name of others?

We have this image of following or leading a certain way of life because that’s what we think society or those that we love dictate or need – be the proverbial son, wife, husband, worker, or whatever we have grown to believe. How many times have you lied to yourself and not spoken up about your true feelings in fear of displeasing someone? How many times you have said no to experiences because of fear of other’s perceptions?

The takeaway is to loosen up and, to use the motto in improv., say “yes and..“

What comes to mind as an example of what I am talking about, or close to, is my recent experience going winter camping. Had I done that before? No. Did I have a ton of reservations? Yes. Did I think it was risky? Without a doubt, giving the cold and expected inclement weather.

Part of me wanted to shut down the idea altogether, an idea brought to me by my son. The other wanted to see how it would all play out. The old me would have said, “no it’s too risky for X,Y&Z reasons” and would have caved to my fears and trepidation.

Prepared as best as possible with research, an action plan, trust in the universe, and faith in my kid’s gusto, preparation, and desire, I forged ahead. Yes, we did face trials and tribulations where I was challenged only a few minutes away from the final destination with the decision to go back or continue. Oh, I wanted to head back but, at the last minute, I gave myself permission to be reckless, taking into account the calculated risk.

In retrospect, a drive and motivation in saying yes is the ultimate trust I have in the universe, knowing that things can always go awry, no matter the preparation and planning. Knowing this and holding on to my trust, each phase of the winter camping experience became a moment to savor and conquer, making it more enjoyable. The risks could have wrecked the whole trip, costing us a whole lot that we had bargained for, but, in the end, the journey and the bonding I experienced with my son, priceless.