Tag: cafe

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#62 Coffee with John

“I am more than I have shown you and more than you are willing to see. Let’s work our love and know each other more fully.” Mark Nepo

My first virtual Coffee with John since the lock-down/quarantine began I shared with a friend of more than 24 years. She is my sister from another mother. My Puerto Rican sista!

This woman has had my back more times than I can count. While in college, she saved my ass countless times from starving with all of her extra meal points. My first official job after graduating I owe to her. If I had a Board Committee, she has been the Vice President, giving me advice, helping me when I have been down, and just being an incredible friend all throughout the twenty-plus years that we have known each other. Her acts of kindness have humbled me and, hopefully, made me a better friend to people.

The takeaway after our three-hour conversation is that there is not enough time in a lifespan to truly know someone. Over the course of our talk, we discovered new things about each other. Nothing deeply revealing or shocking but just new facts and quirks, adding and enriching an already rich friendship.

We don’t let people see aspects of ourselves either because the opportunity never presents itself or we refuse for reasons that we only know. Also, we limit ourselves in seeing or truly getting to know someone because of our own blinders, fears, and stories we carry. The time to change that is now.

We are experiencing an incredibly challenging and taxing time in our history with uncertainty looming at every corner. If you can and are in a position to do so, I encourage you to get to know people in your life in a whole different way. You might never get a chance like this again in a lifetime. Get a book of questions to ask, spend more time with loved ones, and/or get lost in their worlds. Let them see you and let them freely express themselves so you can see them, truly see them.

My sister from another mother
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#61 Coffee with John

Coffee with John #61, just before all hit the fan.

My last Coffee with John meeting seems like ages ago. This was before the pandemic shelter in place ordinance I know, right? Ages ago!

Still, the takeaway seems more relevant than ever. The soulful person I met up with talked about locking herself and getting in touch with creativity.

Not sure how she has followed through but creativity has recently been a place I go to when facing personal challenges. Improv classes, drawing, acting, attempting to play the uke, taking pictures, writing, and just doing projects around the house have worked for me during this last year or so as a safe place to deal with my emotions.

In the last few weeks, I have seen creativity flourishing in all areas. People are getting creative in communicating with friends, loved ones, and colleagues. I have seen families come together to play different games. I have seen people decorate their sidewalks with chalk drawings. I have seen videos of people doing all kinds of creative activities – dancing, singing from balconies, cheering healthcare workers from across buildings, etc. Creativity flourishing during critical times is nothing new. Shakespeare wrote the narrative poems “Venus and Adonis,” and “The Rape of Lucrece” during the 1592-94 plague. I am sure we can look at history and the samples abound.

We all deal with challenges differently and no one way is the right way. But I say embrace creativity in your life. It might not mean creating a masterpiece or even delving into artistic endeavors. Creativity comes in many shapes and forms. It’s up to you to find your medium.

Be safe and hope we can meet up sometime soon for coffee.

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#60 Coffee with John

A few days/weeks had passed before I returned to taking yoga after Lari passed away.


I remember that first day back with clarity because right at the end, a fellow yogi came to me as I was rolling my mat. Without a word or any other exchanges, she just gave me a hug. I don’t think we exchanged any words. It was a beautiful gesture and I carry that with me whenever I see this friend.


Finally, this weekend, I had the pleasure of having a Coffee with John with this lovely human being. We have known each other for years but our friendship hasn’t gone beyond practicing together. This was our first time meeting outside yoga. It was a pleasure to get to know her better and share another special moment under different circumstances.

My takeaway from our Coffee with John: that we don’t need to attach any meaning to every interaction or experience. Let me elaborate.

I kept asking myself, what is my takeaway? What did I learn from this interaction? What is the lesson? What can I impart to others from this meeting?

Beyond cultivating a friendship and deepening my appreciation for this person, I have no big revelations. Two hours passed and we talked, laughed and shared personal stories of trials and tribulations. Maybe that is the takeaway. That is, that you need to take the time to share a piece of yourself with others in other to connect and truly feel.

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#54 Coffee with John

(Not sure why this entry is not showing; reposting)

Takeaway:

People come into our lives through family connections, serendipity, special circumstances. We build those relationships, connect and sometimes, disconnect and, if lucky, reconnect down the road.


No matter how people come into your life or how strong your bond is with them, if they bring you joy, make the effort to share and spend time with them.

We get busy with life, work, other relationships, or whatever else. Life will always throw something that might take precedence in your mind but the effort to spend time with people that warm your heart and soul will yield insurmountable wealth in your life. Who brings joy to your life and when was the last time you reached out to them?


I am grateful for having had the chance to have an awesome Coffee with John New York edition. Love you, bro. You know who you are. Hope to see you and your family soon.

,

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#59 Coffee with John

“It was my pleasure my righteous brotha (fist bump emoji)!”

That text basically sums up CWJ #59. Indeed, it was a pleasure. Conversation was light and fun. The subject(s) of the meeting is irrelevant. The takeaway, however: keeping and honoring your word.

It matters when you commit to something and follow through. I had mentioned my Coffee project to this individual and they had agreed to meet up. I honestly did not expect it to happen, especially since we are not close and months had passed before we actually caught up again. So it surprised me when they brought it up again after we had interacted a few other times without me ever mentioning it again.

“We had talked about it so..” that was part of his response when I thanked him for meeting me up. I appreciate him keeping and honoring a commitment he had made months ago.

I get that sometimes we have the best of intentions and life happens, preventing us from keeping promises or commitments we sometimes make on the fly. Also, I understand that we at times agree to things just to be polite, not wanting to hurt people’s feelings.

I am guilty of both. Guilty as sin.

Still, I try to honor my word and follow through when I make a commitment. If I tell you something and, if I don’t forget or circumstances don’t prevent me from it, I will follow through.

As for agreeing to things out of politeness, well, I am still working on that. Lately, I just rather stay silent without agreeing or disagreeing to anything. In those cases, I try to nod my head and smile.

But don’t worry if you have agreed to meet me for CWJ and have not done so. I don’t take it personally. I am not going to hold it against you. I am still going to like and treat you like before. I understand that there are thousands of reasons why. Also, if we are meant to meet up, we are meant to meet; I am not going to force anything.

All I am saying is that there is currency in keeping your word in your day-to-day life. Foremost, keep your word to yourself. If you made a promise/commitment to yourself., you owe it to yourself to honor it.

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#57 Coffee with John

Seems like a long time since my last post.

A major reason why that is that I haven’t been as active in reaching out to people. I want the meetings to be as organic and grounded as possible. I don’t want Coffee with John (CWJ) to be solely about me or about accruing meetups just for the sake of reaching a specific number of meetings.

If it takes me two or three years to reach that magic number, let it. If I never do, that’s fine as well.

Now, back to the takeaway from Coffee with John #57:

Sometimes, if not most, there will be no satisfactory answers to why things happen or why things are done to us. Life happens and we will feel that we have been wronged by others, many times over.

We can justify those events, circumstances, and reasons, but those answers might never truly quell what we seek.

What answers can we have for someone of a violent crime?

What can we tell a young child why his father or mother abandoned them?

What can we tell a man or a woman why their partners of XX years/months suddenly left or cheated on them?

What can you tell me why a relatively, young healthy person of no vices died of illness, suffering and in excruciating pain?

We can always find answer that fit the circumstances by saying, “things happen for a reason,” “that person is just incapable of loving you,” “it’s not your fault, it’s theirs,” “you were just a victim of circumstances,” or that “it’s all God’s plan.”

Perhaps, in those rare occasions, we will have the chance to confront and ask those we feel that have wronged us for answers, finding some solace in their response.

Not to invalidate any source that provides at least some sort of justification or reason to the whys, but I would argue that the answers need to come from within by making peace and truly letting go of those events that have scarred us.

The danger in not doing so is getting lost and being marked by those events, leading to unhealthy choices and behaviors that will only deepen our wounds and probably drag us down and others in the process.

I am not saying letting go is easy. I will be the first to tell you that I have been stuck many times over and over. And, unfortunately, I don’t have an answer on how do go about the process of letting go. I know what works for me – exercising, meditating, connecting with others, practicing forgiveness/kindness, seeking self-development and outlets of creativity, etc – but I am not going to tell you to follow my path.

We all have our journeys. Sometimes, we need outside forces in the form of therapy or medical intervention to help along the way. Hopefully, we can all carve out our own paths, leading to healing our hearts, spirits and minds.

All I can tell you is that I am a fellow traveler, falling and stumbling on the way.

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#56 Coffee with John

I don’t know if I have a clear takeaway. What I left with was the thought of the stories we leave behind and the stories that precede us – those of our ancestors including our parents and next of kin.

How do those stories shape and define us? Do they inform us? Do the weight on us? Do those stories have any bearing on our lives and future? Do they matter in the end?

As someone that likes stories, I have always been curious about the stories of my relatives and those that came before me.

But what about mine? What is my story?

“…jmm was born in a small town in Colombia..life circumstances brought him to the United States where he lived in New York for XX years…Went to XX college..worked at XX place for XX years. He was married for XX years and had an only child. Not long after turning 45, his wife passed, leaving him a widower. After that, he continued to live in Charlotte NC for XX years until he blah, blah, blah. And that, children, is the story of your great grant-uncle/grandfather/great-grandfather/….”

That’s certainly part of my tale but do I even care if it’s passed down to future generations? Do you think of the story or legacy you will leave behind for the next bloodline?

All I can say is that what matters to me is having a positive imprint in the people around me – my kid, family, friends, colleagues, community and those I come in contact with, even for short periods.

In the end, whatever the story people will tell about me in the future (or even now) is filtered through their own lenses. So, all I can do is live life and write my story as life happens. I leave others to interpret and create their own narrative of it.

I guess the takeaway is that stories of our past, along with us, will fade. What matters is the now and how we chose to live our lives at this moment for ourselves and for those in our lives.


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#55 Coffee with John

Coffee with John #55

This was another meet up that had been in the works since the beginning of Coffee with John (CWJ). For whatever reason, it took until this past Saturday morning to come to fruition.

All I can say is that it was a fulfilling get-together on so many levels. To paraphrase the lovely and beautiful soul that made that cold Saturday morning radiant, “the meeting was natural.”

Maybe we would have not talked for two or so hours if we had met before. Maybe, after not seeing each other for 7+years, the meeting would have been awkward if we had met a year go. May we would have not connected as we did.

Lots of maybes but I have no doubt in my mind that the timing was perfect. We were meant to have that meeting when we did.

One of the takeaways from that is that we can’t rush or force things. I try not to push or force Coffee with John meetings on people. If it happens, it happens. Sometimes I might insist but I do try for these meetings to be as organic as possible. Sometimes people come to me, other times I go to them.

There are plenty of people that I have approached or that have shown an initial interest but no dice. And I am okay with that. I truly believe you can’t force things. It’s all good. Let go and receive, right?

The other takeaway from this meeting was a reminder for me to focus on myself again. I have been talking a lot about exploring and focusing on myself but I have been distracted by going out, attending networking events, meeting/dating people or just getting involved with different projects — not that any of that hasn’t been fun. It has been a blast but I have neglected some things I had set out to do a while back.

The conversation reminded me to take the time to get to know and reconnect with myself. For me, my identity as a husband and father is being redefined. I am reconnecting with pieces of myself that I might have forgotten as well as discovering new aspects of myself. There are also aspects of my personality that I want to work on.

We all need to connect with that being that resides within us. Sometimes we take it from granted and focus on other priorities.

The journey to connect with that special inner being can take many forms and we all need to find our path. It can mean reading self-help books, taking personality tests, meditating, challenging yourself out of your comfort zone, exploring poetry, taking time off from whatever distractions, connecting with the artist within or just being comfortable in solitude.

I have rambled enough. If you made it this far, I thank you for reading and send you my love for being you, just the way you are.

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#52 Coffee with John

Coffee with John #52 was a perfect combination of a Sunday breakfast at a Colombian restaurant, which I had been craving for ages, and coffee afterward at Amélie’s.

The food was great at the restaurant, the coffee not so much. (You would think, Colombian place=good coffee, but there you have it.)


What was great all throughout was the conversation. I have to say that I truly have enjoyed each and every coffee meet-up.

Each meeting has been different, some light and others, emotionally heavy. I am always enriched by each experience. I am honored and grateful that people have taken the time to meet with me. And I am deeply honored when people open up and decide to share their personal stories with me.

So, to answer the question, yes. I will continue to meet people for Coffee with John for the next foreseeable future. I do have a magic number in mind to culminate but that’s a long way still.

My takeaway from Coffee with John #52 is that I really enjoy talking and learning about people. I like connecting and sharing.

The other takeaway, which I attribute 100% to what my partner in crime on this coffee meet up said: life doesn’t happen after you accomplish XY&Z.

We often think that our lives will somehow magically be better after we retire, move, get that degree, change jobs, meet that special person, get that promotion, or whatever we think we need to achieve to truly enjoy ourselves and our lives.

Life is happening right now. Whatever you are in the midst of, enjoy the journey. I am not saying don’t have goals. Goals are part of the life path you are taking.
Just don’t think your life will begin after you accomplish that goal. All I am saying is don’t forget yourself and others while striving to achieve those benchmarks in your life.

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#51 Coffee with John

This was my first coffee back in Charlotte since Vegas.


Many takeaways from this last meeting but what came through and resonates in my mind still is the importance of self-care.


We can’t sacrifice our physical or mental well-being to meet other people’s expectations, desires, needs.

Sure, there will be special circumstances when we have to put ourselves last to care for those that depend on us for their own well-being but, for the majority of the time, there are no excuses.

You can’t take care of others or take on projects if you don’t take care of yourself first. Not sure if this is an actual Buddha saying or not but the sentiment applies, “Remember to take care of yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup.”

Self-care can mean many things: resting, exercising, eating well, seeking counseling, or just taking time for yourself away from others. For me, this week it has been about getting that physical done after postponing it for almost two years now –the next step will be making appointments with the optometrist.

Give yourself some love and take care of yourself! Listen to your body and do what you have to do.

PS: The conversation just flowed during the meeting and I forgot to take my regular picture to record the moment. So here is a picture from Vegas. Because, why not?