Tag: coffee wih john

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#122 Coffee with John

I have great respect for the past. If you don’t know where you’ve come from, you don’t know where you’re going. I have respect for the past, but I’m a person of the moment. I’m here, and I do my best to be completely centered at the place I’m at, then I go forward to the next place.” — Maya Angelou

It’s a funny thing, our past. Does it define us? Does it dictate our present? Does it mark us with a scarlet letter to carry our whole lives? 

I don’t know if I developed the notion of the past not having any bearing on me after reading Bruce Lee’s Tao of Jeet Kune Do entering my twenties, but for a long time, I held that notion. “I have no past,” I would tell myself. 

Of course, I developed a lot of life philosophies after reading that book and during that early time of my formation, thinking I had unraveled the mysteries of life. 

But I am digressing, misguided or not, the past is a hard lover/partner/treasure/friend/foe to dismiss entirely.

We need to come to terms and make amends with whatever cards the past might have dealt us. Others might carry and have in their minds an unforgiving imprint of who we were at some point in our lives, reminding us of faults, shortcomings, sins, and transgressions. Heck, sometimes, you don’t need others to remind us. We are all well-versed in hitting those sweet melancholic notes to bring us down. 

The past might have marked us and influenced our direction in life, but the voices of the past have no room in keeping us prisoners to a skin we have long shed (if we indeed have shed that skin).     

I share Maya Angelou’s sentiment. I respect the past. It has shaped, influenced, provided a starting point in my life, and given me sweet memories, along with soured ones, too. 

But, ultimately, for most of us, what we have in front of us and how we choose to live our lives today, matters more. For others, without trying to sound too dramatic or religious, the road to salvation might not be so forgiving; your penance will be your cross to bear, each day an opportunity to amend the past and those left behind in the wake of our actions/inactions.

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#62 Coffee with John

“I am more than I have shown you and more than you are willing to see. Let’s work our love and know each other more fully.” Mark Nepo

My first virtual Coffee with John since the lock-down/quarantine began I shared with a friend of more than 24 years. She is my sister from another mother. My Puerto Rican sista!

This woman has had my back more times than I can count. While in college, she saved my ass countless times from starving with all of her extra meal points. My first official job after graduating I owe to her. If I had a Board Committee, she has been the Vice President, giving me advice, helping me when I have been down, and just being an incredible friend all throughout the twenty-plus years that we have known each other. Her acts of kindness have humbled me and, hopefully, made me a better friend to people.

The takeaway after our three-hour conversation is that there is not enough time in a lifespan to truly know someone. Over the course of our talk, we discovered new things about each other. Nothing deeply revealing or shocking but just new facts and quirks, adding and enriching an already rich friendship.

We don’t let people see aspects of ourselves either because the opportunity never presents itself or we refuse for reasons that we only know. Also, we limit ourselves in seeing or truly getting to know someone because of our own blinders, fears, and stories we carry. The time to change that is now.

We are experiencing an incredibly challenging and taxing time in our history with uncertainty looming at every corner. If you can and are in a position to do so, I encourage you to get to know people in your life in a whole different way. You might never get a chance like this again in a lifetime. Get a book of questions to ask, spend more time with loved ones, and/or get lost in their worlds. Let them see you and let them freely express themselves so you can see them, truly see them.

My sister from another mother
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#47 Coffee with John

Coffee with John #47

Takeaway: Today is the youngest you will ever be. We can look back at all of the wonderful Throwback Thursday pictures and feel nostalgic about how young we looked or we can look in the mirror today and appreciate the years we have today.

This moment in time in your life is for the taking. The past is long gone and whatever you didn’t do back then, hate to tell you, that boat sailed away long ago. There are things you will never get back or get to pursue. Does this mean you don’t get second chances or that it is too late for this or that? No.

Today is your day to amend those relationships you always wanted to fix, take that class you always wanted to pursue, go on that trip you always dreamed of, call that friend you have been meaning to reach for the longest…today is a gift for you.

Take care of what’s in front of your – job, relationships, etc – but don’t forget you in the process.

PS- I thought I had a picture of the meeting up but I guess not. Just enjoy this one instead. Today is your day. Make it wonderful.

Palomino, Colombia 2019
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#46 Coffee with John

Each of the past 46 encounters have been magical. I have met some incredible people, sharing their time and stories with me. I have also gotten to know people better.

I so look forward to continuing on this journey.

My last meet up left me with an even greater appreciation of people’s willingness to spend an hour or two of their time with me.

Waking up to meet someone at 7AM you have only met once for a day is not an agreement most people will undertake…

My takeaway: the most generous and wonderful gift you can give someone is your time and a piece of your vulnerability, honesty, and heart. You never know the imprint you will make in their lives, even if temporary.

Here is a poem my new found friend shared with me on this 7AM meet up:

The Big Heart – Poem by Anne Sexton
Too many things are occurring for even a big heart to hold.’ – From an essay by W. B. Yeats

Big heart,
wide as a watermelon,
but wise as birth,
there is so much abundance
in the people I have:
Max, Lois, Joe, Louise,
Joan, Marie, Dawn,
Arlene, Father Dunne,
and all in their short lives
give to me repeatedly,
in the way the sea
places its many fingers on the shore,
again and again
and they know me,
they help me unravel,
they listen with ears made of conch shells,
they speak back with the wine of the best region.
They are my staff.
They comfort me.

They hear how
the artery of my soul has been severed
and soul is spurting out upon them,
bleeding on them,
messing up their clothes,
dirtying their shoes.
And God is filling me,
though there are times of doubt
as hollow as the Grand Canyon,
still God is filling me.
He is giving me the thoughts of dogs,
the spider in its intricate web,
the sun
in all its amazement,
and a slain ram
that is the glory,
the mystery of great cost,
and my heart,
which is very big,
I promise it is very large,
a monster of sorts,
takes it all in—
all in comes the fury of love.