Tag: cwj

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#98 Coffee with John, Virtual Edition

“Start close in,
don’t take the second step
or the third,
start with the first
thing
close in,
the step
you don’t want to take…“

Coffee with John #98 reminded me of the first lines in David Whyte’s poem, “Start Close In.”

98 coffees later and I still get nervous at times when I am meeting a person for the first time. Will the conversation go well? Will I be able to be present and be somewhat coherent? Will I make a fool out of myself? What if things don’t go well or become awkward?

How many times do we let those types of doom-like questions prevent us from taking that step we don’t want to take? From saying “I love you,” drawing a will, having a difficult conversation with another or yourself, going out to a venue by yourself, taking a class, to launching a new business, we have so many areas in our personal and professional lives where taking that initial, first step can completely enrich and alter our lives, even for a brief moment. Yet, how many times do we not take that crucial step, completely limiting our experiences and sabotaging ourselves out of fear or nervousness?

I have over the years taking that stet I so dreaded in different areas of my life. For the most part, the rewards have been ten-fold. Yoga comes to mind as an example. I had always wanted to do it but it took a friend of my wife to accompany me to the first few classes before yoga became a staple in my life. Taking that step has led to many friendships and experiences, including this round of coffee.

I know I have many aspects of my life where I need to nudge myself still to take that step I don’t want to take. Avoiding conflict to keep “the peace” is one of those. In some areas taking that first step is easier than others. Other times, it takes a lot more mustering. And, of course, we all have circumstances where we might need to take that first time many times over before we get grounded.

I invite you to join me in challenging yourself in taking that step in an area in your life – take that step you don’t want to take. In an area of your life that you see as the appropriate time, with courage and love, take your own step on your terms.

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#91 Coffee with John, Virtual Edition

I had my takeaway all written down in my mind as soon as I finished my conversation with the wonderful, delightful, hopeful, jovial, and beautiful soul that accompanied me in this edition of CWJ.

I don’t take notes during my meet-ups. The idea for the write-up came bright and clear as soon as we ended our talk. But alas, how the mind betrays. Since then, over the weeks, my thoughts have evaporated with only a vague notion of what I wanted to convey.

Inspired by my mate’s artistry, creativity, and her journey of dealing with dramatic, life-altering events, the write I had in mind was about the space we tend to permanently occupy in our minds — that enduring space that affects our outlook in life. This is not to say that we don’t fluctuate in our line of thinking or that life events don’t color our perspective of the world and our role in it.

We have periods in which we set up camp in a dark space where all is daunting and opportunities don’t seem to exists. Other times, we find a bright spot where all is possible and nothing deters our determination, passion, dream, goals. Both of those or other places where we find camping can last a few seasons in our lives.

Still, we have a constant baseline that we can call home, the place that has for most of our lives determined our disposition. i.e. hopeful, funny, bright, pessimistic, jovial, trustworthy, loving, open-minded, power seeker, etc. Physiologist Gordon W. Allport called these, central dispositions or central traits. Now, that’s as far as I know about the terminology or the physiology of personal traits. I didn’t even know about the nomenclature of dispositions until writing this fifth paragraph. But I am digressing nor do I want to get into different personality traits as I know nothing about them.

What I left thinking about after CWJ #91 was about that space we occupy and how that space colors and affects how we chose to see and engage in life. I am aware that chemical imbalances, life circumstances, trauma, or a combination of other factors can completely alter our outlook, but what would you say is your baseline? How do you engage and see the world?

PS: I only identify my coffee mates if given permission or if the occasion lends itself. Here is the link to where you can find out more about the awesome, talented artist (Anita Darling – Fine Art) that accompanied me for Coffee with John #91:

https://bit.ly/2ZDqTiH

You may also find her on Instagram, at https://www.instagram.com/anita.darling.fineart/

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#85 Coffee with John

Poised, articulate, confident and nimble in her skills.

Those were my first impressions four years ago of my Coffee with John #85 mate.

We briefly met at the time at a conference for Latinx arts and individual artists. She was one of the hosting sponsors leading some of the introductions. We talked shop briefly and we exchanged perfunctory networking emails. The end.

Fast forward four/five years later, we found each other sharing a fun afternoon that involved a boat ride with a hand-picked group of invited friends brought together by a mutual friend — the extraordinary and talented Rosalia Torres Weiner.

This mutual friend- an artist, connector, community advocate – typically invites two or three people on given days to her home by the lake as a way to connect, re-energize her creativity, and share some of her passions. That day, I happened to be one of the lucky ones to be invited to share and join in the experience, along with two other guests.

But, for a brief second, let me backtrack again to the conference. It happened that the conference coincided with the week when I learned that Lari’s cancer had metastasized to her bones. I was crushed during that time. I had not shared the news with anyone at that point. I happened to run into Rosalia at the conference and I shared the news with her, ending up with me crying and her giving me a hug. That moment passed and we went along our respective day enjoying and partaking in the three-day conference.

I don’t know how any of this relates but my takeaway is as much about how life/circumstances/networks circle back as it is about curiosity.

We have to engage and be curious about discovering the many layers of a person. We meet people all the time and we immediately make assumptions and have a set impression about them.

I am glad to report that my assumptions and impressions of Coffee Mate #85 were right on the money. She is an impressive, talented woman with many layers and rich complexities.

She shared with me some of her life experiences, vulnerabilities, and tribulations, given her an even greater depth to the person I initially saw at a podium adroitly translating simultaneously Spanish into English to a crowd of 200+ attendees four/five years.