Tag: dealing with grief

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#64 Coffee with John, Virtual Edition

The other day I had the pleasure of having coffee with two incredible women whom I respect and adore deeply.

They are fierce, accomplished, smart, beautiful, tenacious, loving, and magnificent people. I have been fortunate to learn from them and share a friendship with them over the years. The friendship and dynamics are different with each one. Still, over the years, I have come to cultivate genuine connections with each.

My takeaway: how fortunate I have been to have amazing people in my life. We all do!

But it takes work to cultivate and maintain relationships, especially as we all move and experience life transitions. It is easy to let friendships slide or fall to the cracks. We can all get caught up in our own stories, neglecting to seed and fertilize our garden of friendships. When it comes to these two dear friends, I know there have been gaps when we were not in touch, sometimes for months or years. That happens. Fortunately, some bonds never fade away.

Appreciate the special people in your life. You are lucky to have them and they are lucky to have you. Cultivate and strengthen those links to build even deeper connections.

Some relationships are worth the investment. Sometimes is not a give or take approach. All relationships have different dynamics and require more work than others. Of course, it takes two to tango. You need to know when to walk away or provide the space when the other party is not reciprocating. All in all, appreciate those that bring light and love to your life.

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#63 Coffee with John – Virtual Edition

“How do we set a meeting with you?” was the message I found on my Messenger.

I can’t say that I know the sender well, or at all. They were friends with my wife. I remember seeing them once or twice before but no real interaction beyond pleasantries.

I replied to the message and within a few days, we were having Coffee with John #63, virtual edition. The beauty – and the takeaway – is that I came into the situation empty, no judgments, no expectations, no attachments to any outcomes. I opened myself to the experience, fully.

We had a great conversation lasting more than an hour. I learned about this person’s family, experiences, beliefs, aspirations. We shared a moment, a moment that might not have an overall significance in our lives but it was a moment of two strangers coming together connecting in a world that seems disconnected, disjointed, and alienated. The experience enriched me as a person, adding to my morning routine and expanding my knowledge and network.

Be open to possibilities. Come empty to situations without attachments. You never know how those experiences will change or contribute to your well-being. In the end, life is a sum of moments.

From a time long ago when people used to meet face to face for coffee
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#62 Coffee with John

“I am more than I have shown you and more than you are willing to see. Let’s work our love and know each other more fully.” Mark Nepo

My first virtual Coffee with John since the lock-down/quarantine began I shared with a friend of more than 24 years. She is my sister from another mother. My Puerto Rican sista!

This woman has had my back more times than I can count. While in college, she saved my ass countless times from starving with all of her extra meal points. My first official job after graduating I owe to her. If I had a Board Committee, she has been the Vice President, giving me advice, helping me when I have been down, and just being an incredible friend all throughout the twenty-plus years that we have known each other. Her acts of kindness have humbled me and, hopefully, made me a better friend to people.

The takeaway after our three-hour conversation is that there is not enough time in a lifespan to truly know someone. Over the course of our talk, we discovered new things about each other. Nothing deeply revealing or shocking but just new facts and quirks, adding and enriching an already rich friendship.

We don’t let people see aspects of ourselves either because the opportunity never presents itself or we refuse for reasons that we only know. Also, we limit ourselves in seeing or truly getting to know someone because of our own blinders, fears, and stories we carry. The time to change that is now.

We are experiencing an incredibly challenging and taxing time in our history with uncertainty looming at every corner. If you can and are in a position to do so, I encourage you to get to know people in your life in a whole different way. You might never get a chance like this again in a lifetime. Get a book of questions to ask, spend more time with loved ones, and/or get lost in their worlds. Let them see you and let them freely express themselves so you can see them, truly see them.

My sister from another mother
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#52 Coffee with John

Coffee with John #52 was a perfect combination of a Sunday breakfast at a Colombian restaurant, which I had been craving for ages, and coffee afterward at Amélie’s.

The food was great at the restaurant, the coffee not so much. (You would think, Colombian place=good coffee, but there you have it.)


What was great all throughout was the conversation. I have to say that I truly have enjoyed each and every coffee meet-up.

Each meeting has been different, some light and others, emotionally heavy. I am always enriched by each experience. I am honored and grateful that people have taken the time to meet with me. And I am deeply honored when people open up and decide to share their personal stories with me.

So, to answer the question, yes. I will continue to meet people for Coffee with John for the next foreseeable future. I do have a magic number in mind to culminate but that’s a long way still.

My takeaway from Coffee with John #52 is that I really enjoy talking and learning about people. I like connecting and sharing.

The other takeaway, which I attribute 100% to what my partner in crime on this coffee meet up said: life doesn’t happen after you accomplish XY&Z.

We often think that our lives will somehow magically be better after we retire, move, get that degree, change jobs, meet that special person, get that promotion, or whatever we think we need to achieve to truly enjoy ourselves and our lives.

Life is happening right now. Whatever you are in the midst of, enjoy the journey. I am not saying don’t have goals. Goals are part of the life path you are taking.
Just don’t think your life will begin after you accomplish that goal. All I am saying is don’t forget yourself and others while striving to achieve those benchmarks in your life.

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#32 Coffee with John

Takeaway: life is full of unexpected turns.

You might have your plans but life itself has other plans stored for you. All you can do is forge forward and embrace what life puts in front of you.

What other choice do you have but to be brave and keep on rolling?

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#30 Coffee with John

Yesterday marked the first weekend I ever had a Coffee with John. Typically, I meet up with people during the morning hours of the week.

The weekends are the days to do the cleaning of the house, getting things ready for the week, attending this or that event, or just tackling some sort of project I have created for myself – organize this, paint that, or just catch up with work, if needed. Always something, right?

This weekend, for the first in a while, I didn’t feel like doing any of the above. I felt tired and I was not in the best frame of mind – just stuck on my own story, you know?

Now, was I looking forward to a virtual coffee on a Sunday afternoon? Yes, and no. Yes, because the person is someone I love dearly and had not spoken to them in many years. And no, because I was just feeling lethargic and irritated at the world.

The hour came and I am glad I got out of my head.

But that’s not the only takeaway. What kept popping in my mind afterwards was how we gamble with time.

We think we have all this time to have that coffee with an old friend; take that one class we always been meaning to tackle; undertake and conquer that alluding home project; visit all the places in our list of countries to see and experience; call that one relative you have been meaning to call in the last three months…the list is endless, as long as the excuses not to tackle them. We gamble and think we will get to those things, eventually.

Perhaps, we will. Maybe we will live for 100 years. Still, even then, I bet you, we will still have not done all the little things we put aside for no good reason.

Not to say that we all now need to get into a race against time, running wild with no regards for the future or our responsibilities.

That would be fruitless. All I can say is that we gamble with time. The irony is that we think we don’t have the time to do all the little things we say we want to do. So we just put them aside, for another more auspicious opportunity that might never come.

I don’t know if this is true but I remember coming across somewhere about certain cultures that treat each interaction with each other as if the last one, with no guarantee of a future meeting. For me, there is something beautiful about that.

Makes me cherish people more, appreciate the day-to-day, and push myself to get out of my own head to just do one of those little things I have always wanted to do or have meant to do. We all make our gamble with time.

Make it worth it.