I have to be honest with you. I don’t care if you like me or not. I don’t.
So here it goes.
I wish for all of your dreams, aspirations, and hopes to come to fruition in this lifetime. I wish for you to be happy. I wish for you to be prosperous. I wish for you to have health.
I wish for you to be happy. I wish for you to be free from suffering. I am sending you love, and best of wishes for this day.
Happy Friday!
Have a magical, wonderful day today and every day.
The introvert, my penultimate meeting, and the extrovert, my most recent.
The former, a self-proclaimed introvert, did not mind aspects of the pandemic. Acknowledging her good fortune – health, economic stability, and other blessings in her life – the circumstances of social distancing and the limited social engagements provided opportunities for personal healing, self-discovery, relaxation, discovery, and a much welcomed slower pace of life.
On the other hand, the self-proclaimed introvert, also aware and grateful of her good fortunes, had a different experience. The pandemic provided a set of unwelcome challenges and tribulations.
Two experiences through different lenses.
The experience of meeting these two incredibly warm and grounded, yet different individuals highlighted and reminded me of the importance of connecting with others.
No matter how we experience, sense, or interact with the world, making connections at the individual or at levels that fit our comfort level nourishes the spirit.
Both of them ventured to meet and connect with me for the first time. Our respective interactions provided a point of accentuation – a break in our daily lives inviting us into a journey of laughter, conversation, and discovery.
Hearing their divergent experiences opened my own lens of understanding, compassion, and sympathy/empathy.
It is easy to isolate, get caught in our daily routines, or stay in our lane without venturing to talk to strangers or meet up with different communities from ours. The challenge is to get over those hurdles. Jumping over those obstacles is a personal journey but I bet the introvert and the extrovert in you will appreciate the leap.
This post showed up on my Facebook Memories recently, conjuring up bittersweet memories of what seems like a lifetime ago.
A sentiment that comes across is the immense gratitude for all the people that supported and carried us through those difficult times.
So many to fully and properly acknowledge, from the team of doctors, nurses and hospice workers who showed compassion and care, friends who accompanied my wife to her chemo sessions, the folks that started meal trains and fundraising campaigns, to those that were there to console me when my wife passed.
In between, there are so many people that helped my family and myself get through. I will forever be thankful to the kindness, love, generosity and love we were grateful to receive.
A whole month plus since I had Coffee with John # 101.
Since then, I have gone to Florida and Virginia, visited Asheville thrice and other places in between here and there. I have celebrated another year around the sun, a double celebration as my son and I share birthdays.
To say the least, it has been a busy month of adventures, gatherings, and all sorts of celebrations and commemorations.
What wonderful reasons to postpone an entry that I had written in my mind the minute my conversation with my mate for my Coffee with John #101 had ended. Wonderful in that they are all little gifts life has afforded me. The gifts of traveling, sharing with loved ones, and rejoicing in magical, special moments.
Special moments like the last meeting in my journey of reaching 150 coffees. Meeting 101, a gift of its own, came via coffee mate #98 — the sister of a dear friend from my yoga community who I had not met before our coffee.
What stroke me from this last meeting was the beauty of granting your essence to another; that pure, wondrous gift you bring to this world.
Here a self-proclaimed introvert shared an hour of her time with a stranger. Among conversation about this and that, she broke out a beautiful ukulele her mother had given her as a gift following a family tradition to mend broken hearts. She played her song and sang a melodious tune with a soft, rich voice. As the hour came to an end, we said farewell and ended the conversation. Those transient are the little gifts life grants and are only possible when we open to receiving and giving. One of the most valuable commodities you possess is the light you bring. Play your song and share it.
What do I do with the stories people tell me over these meetings? What do I write about after each meeting?
Since those questions have come up on some of my last meetups, let me address them as part of this entry.
Honestly, aside from perhaps informing my write-ups and giving me a window into those joining me, rarely do I write directly about what people tell me. Also, while there are exemptions, rarely do identify my coffee mates
No matter the subject, I treat the conversations as an intimate moment shared among two people. I don’t interview people nor do I feel I am in the position to share other people’s stories.
So what do I write about? Sometimes is about a feeling, an idea sparked by the conversation, or a reflection ignited by my feelings and the experience at the moment. Sometimes the ideas come immediately, and other times,it takes me sitting on and punctuating what I got out of the interaction.
Ultimately, I want to focus on a positive theme/concept inspired by the meeting.
Speaking of, the theme that jumped out to me the most from CWJ#99 is that of resilience. I am always amazed to hear how people have overcome the cards that life has given them.
Stressful, traumatic, and painful events can mark you. Those experiences can lead us to a destructive path or a place where we can’t move from, rendering us stuck in unhealthy patterns, relationships, and emotions of fear, anxiety and stress.
The challenge is always to turn adversity into a beautiful question or quest that goes beyond ourselves, fear, sadness, resentment, guilt, anxiety, or whatever negative emotions we carry into different aspects of our lives.
With all the trauma brought upon the pandemic, that is a challenge we as a collective may be wrestling with as we move into a new norm. I am not going to offer any answers. What I will say is that I hope part of the answers include a path full of discoveries where we can all explore the many big and small possibilities life offers each day, leading to better relations with others and ourselves.
For inspiration, as we all look for a path of resilience, I encourage you to check out the self-published book of poetry (currently only available in Spanish) by Kurma Murrain, my coffee mate for this round. Also, you may check out her blog to learn more about this Colombian native making a mark as a poet and community advocate in Charlotte, NC.
My hope is that poetry and discovering your voice and the artist within you become part of your healing and tools of resilience.
“Start close in, don’t take the second step or the third, start with the first thing close in, the step you don’t want to take…“
Coffee with John #98 reminded me of the first lines in David Whyte’s poem, “Start Close In.”
98 coffees later and I still get nervous at times when I am meeting a person for the first time. Will the conversation go well? Will I be able to be present and be somewhat coherent? Will I make a fool out of myself? What if things don’t go well or become awkward?
How many times do we let those types of doom-like questions prevent us from taking that step we don’t want to take? From saying “I love you,” drawing a will, having a difficult conversation with another or yourself, going out to a venue by yourself, taking a class, to launching a new business, we have so many areas in our personal and professional lives where taking that initial, first step can completely enrich and alter our lives, even for a brief moment. Yet, how many times do we not take that crucial step, completely limiting our experiences and sabotaging ourselves out of fear or nervousness?
I have over the years taking that stet I so dreaded in different areas of my life. For the most part, the rewards have been ten-fold. Yoga comes to mind as an example. I had always wanted to do it but it took a friend of my wife to accompany me to the first few classes before yoga became a staple in my life. Taking that step has led to many friendships and experiences, including this round of coffee.
I know I have many aspects of my life where I need to nudge myself still to take that step I don’t want to take. Avoiding conflict to keep “the peace” is one of those. In some areas taking that first step is easier than others. Other times, it takes a lot more mustering. And, of course, we all have circumstances where we might need to take that first time many times over before we get grounded.
I invite you to join me in challenging yourself in taking that step in an area in your life – take that step you don’t want to take. In an area of your life that you see as the appropriate time, with courage and love, take your own step on your terms.
The underbelly of society is riddled with darkness and realities far from ours.
Substance abuse, poverty, sex crimes, domestic violence, and hundred other maladies lurking under our noses. We don’t have to go hundreds of miles away to encounter the underbelly. My city, Charlotte, ranks #1 in North Carolina in human trafficking – North Carolina ranks 10 in the nation. That’s only one reality I had no clue about until recently.
Once we notice, the pain can be overwhelming and daunting to carry. Like my coffee mate for this round expressed to me, all we can do sometimes is pull aside on the road and cry for humanity and all the injustices in this world.
But what do we do in the long term? I wish I had an answer. All I can offer is for us to show up, fully present in our lives, communities, circles, and in the lives of our loved ones with love, understanding, kindness, perseverance, and forgiveness.
We all have the power to make our communities a better place without having to take on the burden of saving and curing the many injustices in the world. Sometimes all it takes is showing love and kindness. And that takes many forms – volunteering, creating communities, looking out for our neighbors, donating to a good cause, getting dirty in a fight for a cause near to your heart, or not giving up on loved ones when they need us the most.
PS: To learn how you can combat human trafficking, visit
How long since we had last seen each other? 20 or so more years.
You were a private person, only sharing with me about your battle with breast cancer after you had learned of my wife’s own illness with the disease.
You didn’t share or expand much of your own experience. Still, you opened up to me a few times and we bonded over that unfortunate predicament.
The last time you shared anything related to your illness was April of last year, letting me know, “I am fine. Treatments all done. Blood work good. Scan good…” Today, I learned of your passing as I had shared another video with you of my son’s playing.
Only last week, you had seen the previous one I had sent to you noting, “just watched your son playing Valeri on YouTube and he’s so cool and chill. Your son’s vibe is great.“
I shared your words with my son and he truly appreciated them. You didn’t get to see his last video and we never got to have that coffee we had so long ago postponed.
Funny, we weren’t all that close and only shared a few times in person when we worked together many moons back. The news of your passing breaks my heart. You were so young, vibrant, smart, beautiful. You will be missed my dear fellow Gemini.
My Coffee with John (CWJ) mate for this round I met recently via an old post of a David Whyte poem that I had shared on a Facebook North Carolina Singles Group I had briefly joined and left, circa April 2020.
Somehow, as she was searching for David Whyte, she found the old post, leading her to recently contact me through my Coffee with John Facebook page. After a few exchanges, she kindly accepted my invitation to meet up as part of CWJ.
We talked about what led to our meeting and, among other things, discussed in passing David Whyte’s Consolations: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words.
In this book – a read I recommend you emerge yourself in -, Whyte takes everyday words and beautifully gives them a rebirth, expanding on their etymology and significance.
In the spirit of that book and the nature of this round of CWJ, here is my reflection/takeaway from this last coffee encounter with the word stranger as the anchor:
A Stranger
Who/what is a stranger?
A random act of generosity offered to you at a time of crisis with no reciprocity required by a person who happens to notice you at that moment when you are feeling alone with the void of familiar faces around
A person exchanging a smile with you as they pass you, never to see them again
A passerby generously stopping to give you kind and helpful words as you seek their guidance to help you find your destination
A begrudged individual throwing insults your way because somehow your looks or way of being has offended their sensitivities.
A friend/lover/old neighbor no longer part of your life…
I have met a lot of strangers as part of CWJ. Some have moved into the friendship category – until they become strangers again shall our season of friendship end.
Smiles, acts of kindness, helpful words, and ephemeral moments to cherish have all been exchanged during my coffee encounters, a journey I cherish and continue to cultivate and nurture.
One of the many aspects of this project for me has been about being open – open to vulnerability; open to meeting strangers and being present; open to honor and truly listen to people; open to folks judging my intentions; open to putting myself into a public sphere; open to people interjecting their motivations onto the experience; open to checking and leaving my own prejudices aside; open to expressing my emotions and being honest with those emotions..
I have put myself into this position with no regrets. I continue to be challenged, surprised, and inspired by the journey. My world has flourished with new connections, knowledge, and experiences.
CWJ#87 is no exception, adding and enriching to my overarching journey thus far. My coffee mate for this edition – a personable, young man of 22 or so from Canada – is driven by a mission of determination, achievement, and personal growth.
He is finding and carving out his path on his terms by connecting with others, seeking knowledge, and being open. This young man changed his career path mid-point, veering into a whole different direction from where he was originally going to pursue new dreams and chase the life he sees for himself. Brave and foolish some would say, right?
But I challenge you to being brave and, yes, foolish, if you will. Be open to the experience of challenging your perceptions, paths in life. Be open to learning from people outside your circle. Be open to different possibilities, paradigms, et al.
Coffee With John 