Tag: lessons

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#126 Coffee with John

What do you think of Charlotte as a community?

A recent comment made me reflect on my own experiences and sense of community here.

My coffee mates for this round of Coffee with John (CWJ), Alejandra and Pedro (Somos dos Universos/We are two Universes), share with me the strong sense of community we have found in the Queen City.

For two hours or so, we touched on different topics including their journey across the US, from the East Coast to the West – an adventure they set out to shortly after they arrived in the United States. They lived in New York, California, and Florida before settling in Charlotte. A common thread emerged: their strong sense of community.

In their short time living here, they have become an integral part of a thriving network of artists, entrepreneurs, and leaders through their social media and non-profit ventures, and their dedication to volunteering and supporting others.

As we chatted, they greeted a few familiar faces walking into the cafe. One woman, who was in the process of moving back to Charlotte after some time away, was introduced to us by one of those familiar faces. She shared a different perspective. Having lived here for two years previously, she felt the city lacked a sense of community.

Experiences can differ for so many reasons. A place that holds romantic notions for some can be a source of sadness and heartbreak for others. While I can’t speak for this woman’s experience, I can share my own. Like Alejandra and Pedro, I have found a welcoming and generous community in Charlotte.

The people I have met throughout my 17 years here have been my rock. When my wife was going through treatment, the community’s kindness and generosity helped us weather emotional and financial hardship. After her passing, the same support system, along with new connections, helped me through my grief with hugs, kind words, and practical acts like checking in and sending movie gift cards. When I ventured into projects like Coffee with John or Latinx Portraits, the community responded with unwavering support and faith in my abilities. I have had strangers sit with me for a cup of coffee. I have had an exhibit of my work. I have had the opportunity to receive a grant in support of my photography.

I’ve met wonderful people in New York and Florida, too. But the level of community I’ve experienced in Charlotte surpasses anything I found in the Big Apple or the Sunshine State. Alejandra and Pedro embody the spirit of community I cherish in this city.

I hope anyone moving here for the first time or returning can find the kindness, love, opportunities, and support I know Charlotte offers.

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#120 Coffee with John

I don’t do Japanese food.

They don’t make music like they used to.

I only listen to 80s music.

I don’t read. 

I don’t travel outside the country.

We are all guilty of making a variation of these claims. I know I am guilty of it. I only tried mussels for the first time about two years ago! 

We get entrenched in our ways without ever challenging our myopic ways, further building barriers as the years pass. Every day, we take a risk when we put our feet on the ground, yet we refuse to take small risks for no good reason; I challenge you to take the risk of letting go of your preconceived notions and self-imposed limitations. 

Unless bounded by dietary/religious/health reasons, go to that (insert name of the restaurant you have never tried); go wild and have mushrooms (not the psychedelic kind, mind you); get your passport in order and travel; listen for a whole week to different music outside your comfort zone; watch a movie you would not typically watch. Challenge your assertions and lose yourself in the experience. Do I have any guarantees or promises for you? 

Look, you may come away either reaffirming your previous assumptions or gaining a new perspective and appreciation. How will you know if you don’t dare?

Is it scary to let go and try something? Yes! It can be frightening and terrifying.  

Is it easy to let go of long-held attitudes and behaviors? No. 

That is the challenge and beauty of the unknown, waiting for us to take that step. We can expand our experience, increase brain plasticity, and enrich our lives by taking small yet powerful actions that engage us in the world.

I thank my coffee mate for Coffee with John#120 for reminding me and inspiring this takeaway. Let the unknown beckon us.

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#115 Coffee with John

A simple act: losing yourself in the word of loved ones as an expression of appreciation, love, devotion, or curiosity. It can take the form of joining a friend, a lover, a partner, or a family member on a rainy, miserable day on their favorite activity but not so much yours. It can also entail reading a book important to them or taking a leap of faith and trying out food they love and that you have never heard of in your life.

The possibilities are endless and we all might partake in this simple act of love without realizing it. One way or another, we do it all the time but how many times do we do it deliberately and with intention?

I came away with that takeaway as I was wrapping Coffee with John #115. What came to mind specifically was taking the time to get to know, one-on-on, the people in the lives of our loved ones: their friends, lovers, and close associates. Stepping out of our relationship with that person to have a conversation with let’s say their boyfriend, wife, or best friend who is a stranger to us or we have only interacted with them in a group setting.

I understand that this might not always lend itself as relationship dynamics don’t always allow for those interactions. Taking that step could get us into murky territory and uncomfortable boundaries. Our wives/girlfriends/husbands might despise our friends or family members. Their friends or family members might not like us. Our beloved and beautiful partners might have a say in our desire to know their supermodel, attractive best friend. And we all have that one crazy friend we don’t even know how we are friends with in the first place. Do we really want that person talking to anyone in our circle? I am being hyperbolic but you get me, right?

Having said that, I want to advocate that if we can navigate those dynamics with clear intentions, we should take the time to sit down for a coffee with the people in close orbit with those we treasure. Take the time to know the friends of your spouse, parents, children, and close friends.

The experience might introduce you to a new person to appreciate and open up a new window into your loved ones. Or not. Still, take the step and dive into the world important to our loved ones. We might all be better for it.

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#105 Coffee with John: Finding Inspiration

inspiration – noun

in·spi·ra·tion/ˌinspəˈrāSH(ə)n/ : something that makes someone want to do something or that gives someone an idea about what to do or create : a force or influence that inspires someone

The journey of discovering or coming across moments that spark and infuse inspiration can be a fickle mistress.

Not always the case, but a combination of love, loss, heartbreak, despair, turmoil, chaos, anguish can all serve as that flame and spark opening a path for us to take that step into creativity. At least in my experience, it seems the muses visit when we are wrestling with moments that test us.

The need to connect with others to deal with grief gave birth to Coffee with John. The interactions I have had fuel the continuation of this journey. What I find humbling as well is that the premise of this project, that of connecting with others, can go beyond myself: inspiring others to take a similar path to deal with their journeys.

That’s what prompted my last coffee mate to meet me. She came across my project through Facebook and wanted to learn more about my journey to perhaps adopt the idea as she wrestled with a series of personal setbacks including the loss of loved ones.

I don’t know what she has done since we last met a few weeks back now. All I can say is that if my journey can inspire others, I am honored to serve as a spark.

In the fickleness of inspiration, the funny thing is that we never know how our actions and how we choose to live our lives can inspire others.

What inspires you? Who inspires you? Where do you find inspiration?

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#90 Coffee with John

I can’t say that I have been wronged to the point where my trust has been shattered. At the same time, I am not sure how you can measure such a thing.

A few events come to mind where I can say that my trust and faith in people have been tested. But, honestly, I probably have been guilty of being on the side of the culprit. How many times we do things without truly taking into account the effect of those actions on others? Or how many other times we feel like we have no option but to do something that you know will end-up hurting others?

Some situations are clear where the betrayal and hurt cut deep, sending people over the edge to the point of depression, despair, and being blinded by rage and a desire for vengeance or retaliation.

Maybe the depth of betrayal doesn’t matter in the end. What matters is the ability to forgive the trespassers of your trust.

That ability and the rays of hope and light that accompany the power to move forward and truly forgive I found in my coffee mate for this edition. Her story is that of hers to tell. What I will say is that it took, according to her own accord, time and healing to reach that point where she could sit on that understanding, moving to a place of peace, love, and grace.

Finding that power can set us free. Is it easy? Probably, not.

Now, I believe that I don’t hold grudges, but – if ever the time comes when I am truly tested – I hope I have the power to be beckoned by forgiveness and live and breathe on that space.

PS:

To learn more about the beautiful soul behind the story, you can check her blog, at https://porchdaydreamer.com/about/ You can also follow her Instagram, Porch Daydreamer