Tag: life lessons

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#85 Coffee with John

Poised, articulate, confident and nimble in her skills.

Those were my first impressions four years ago of my Coffee with John #85 mate.

We briefly met at the time at a conference for Latinx arts and individual artists. She was one of the hosting sponsors leading some of the introductions. We talked shop briefly and we exchanged perfunctory networking emails. The end.

Fast forward four/five years later, we found each other sharing a fun afternoon that involved a boat ride with a hand-picked group of invited friends brought together by a mutual friend — the extraordinary and talented Rosalia Torres Weiner.

This mutual friend- an artist, connector, community advocate – typically invites two or three people on given days to her home by the lake as a way to connect, re-energize her creativity, and share some of her passions. That day, I happened to be one of the lucky ones to be invited to share and join in the experience, along with two other guests.

But, for a brief second, let me backtrack again to the conference. It happened that the conference coincided with the week when I learned that Lari’s cancer had metastasized to her bones. I was crushed during that time. I had not shared the news with anyone at that point. I happened to run into Rosalia at the conference and I shared the news with her, ending up with me crying and her giving me a hug. That moment passed and we went along our respective day enjoying and partaking in the three-day conference.

I don’t know how any of this relates but my takeaway is as much about how life/circumstances/networks circle back as it is about curiosity.

We have to engage and be curious about discovering the many layers of a person. We meet people all the time and we immediately make assumptions and have a set impression about them.

I am glad to report that my assumptions and impressions of Coffee Mate #85 were right on the money. She is an impressive, talented woman with many layers and rich complexities.

She shared with me some of her life experiences, vulnerabilities, and tribulations, given her an even greater depth to the person I initially saw at a podium adroitly translating simultaneously Spanish into English to a crowd of 200+ attendees four/five years.

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#82 Coffee with John

Had a lovely conversation learning about a journey of a talented, smart, driven woman confronted by a series of personal and health challenges along her life. She has confronted cancer, a divorce, interpersonal relationships, among other trials and tribulations. Her life journey has led her to finding a path of purpose to help others as a life coaching while balancing a full-time and demanding job.

Did she mean to share any of those aspects of her life with me? Maybe. I don’t know. This was only the second time (third time if we count a brief interaction we had outside a YMCA months back, just at the start of the pandemic) we had ever met and, somehow, the flood opened and she begun sharing with me different aspects of her life journey.

It doesn’t always happen nor do I expect that to be the norm but I am grateful and honored when people give me the trust to be a recipient of their story.

The Takeaway: Sometimes in life we need to talk and be listened to when we least expect it. Take a break from the hamster wheel and connect with a friend, a stranger, a new acquaintance and see where the conversation takes you. Perhaps you will do the honor of listening or, to your surprise, the river of your life will come out demanding to be shared, engaging and gifting the other person with a new found knowledge and understanding of yourself.

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#80 Coffee with John

An introspection more than a takeaway….

A season of wind chimes. The wind making its way through them, creating music, movement, and ripple effects on each imaginary chime highlighting a season – a happy, brief, beautiful season of romantic entanglement. The impact reverberates still with residuals of the wind occasionally swishing the inner chimes of space.

People come into our lives, enhancing and redirecting our lives to new roads and journeys. Their passing through our lives, like the wind, moves us to new directions, ventures, and destinations. Their influence – as well as ours on them- perhaps will never be fully known to either. Meditation, new books, different perspectives in life, and hobbies adapted into my life have all been shaped by different seasons of entanglements.

The space and length of time shared with a person might not matter. It could be years, months, weeks, or minutes shared in the crossing of paths but, in the end, the interactions leave a mark. Ultimately, the decision of how a person affects you is up to you. Not denying the love, hurt, or other strong emotions that a person can elicit. Still, their season in your life, if ended or just at the start, can provide you with invaluable lessons about yourself, marking new paths for your development and happiness.

As I rushed out from Coffee with John #80 following a new path brought upon by past interactions and outcomes of a season(s) long gone, I wondered what other lessons I have yet to experience and mysteries to uncover by unexpected/surprising encounters with people from my past and those I have yet to meet.

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#79 Coffee with John, Virtual Edition

Gratefulness comes to mind as the takeaway for this installment of CWJ.

I am blessed to have family, friends, and people in my life that genuinely care and have and continue to be there for me and my kiddo with their love, kindness, and friendship.

My coffee mate for this round is among those special angels. She is my cuña, my sister-in-law. Over the years, we have gotten along well. What truly solidified our bond transpired a month or two before Lari – my wife, her sister – left this plane to roam and dance in the outer cosmos.

Leaving her family and hectic life back in Florida, my cuña came on separate times to spent time with us, helping us while we were in the thin-and-thick of things. Aside from helping with the day-to-day functions of the house, more importantly, she was there for Lari, my kid, and myself.

During those separate occasions, we shared moments of laughter amid a difficult period for all of us. The bond she built with my kid at the time continues today. The following summer after Lari passed, she and her family took my kid on a vacation to the Dominican Republic that he still recalls fondly.

All those thoughts and more came to mind last week or so when we shared a conversation over coffee for an “official” CWJ.

I was left feeling grateful. Lean on the power of gratefulness and cherish those that bring that light into your life.

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#78 Coffee with John, Virtual Edition

Last week or so, through Bumble Bizz, I had a virtual CWJ with a young man from Ninety Six (yes, 96!), a town in Greenwood County, South Carolina with a population of roughly 2,000 people. That hour long conversation inspired the following write-up:

As part of rituals, war, ceremonies, religious traditions, or disguises, masks have formed part of society since ancient times.

More than ever, masks are ubiquitous and part of our daily wardrobe.

No matter if you are donning an actual mask or not, we all wear an invisible mask, projecting into the world a persona. Behind that invisible mask, the insecurities, emotional scars, fears, and the many qualities and idiosyncrasies that make us, us.

We hide behind our masks, often not letting people see our true selves to our own detriment. The persona we put out sometimes actually conceals our bravery, confidence, and humanity – all the attributes we all want to project.

The takeaway: we can best serve ourselves by putting away the mask/persona we project into the world to let our true selves soar. We can learn from embracing our vulnerability, self-doubts, and go for what we want despite all that can hold us back.

PS: if you are curious to know more about this intriguing resident of 96, I encourage you to visit his website: https://www.deshaunwilliamsindustries.com/

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#77 Coffee with John

Do places hold positive/negative energy? Do certain spots possess magical qualities affecting our moods?

I have certainly experienced the energy flow of certain places. Two recent places come to mind. The first, Tayrona National Park, in northern Colombia. The other,
Latta Nature Center and Preserve. I am not going to tell you what I experienced but I definitely felt the vibrations of those places.

In this last round, as we were wrapping up, my coffee mate invited me to sit at a trunk/bench located in Freedom Park to see if I felt the energy of this magical spot for her.

That experience brings me to my takeaway: no matter how much you might try, you will never be able to experience or understand a person’s perspective or how they see and experience the world around them.

The question is how much are you willing to lean on trying to understand their viewpoint without a desire to change their minds or impose your own experience on them?

Some issues, circumstances, situations are easy to let go of your perspective and jump into the viewpoint of the other person. Other issues, well, not so easy to lean on, especially these days.

Hatred, racism, violence, bigotry, and arrogance are issues I have no room to lean on. Nor could I try to understand those driven by those forces. Still, for the most part, we do a disservice when we close ourselves without at least hearing and putting ourselves in the shoes of those we love and within our community.

I know I have, as of recent, been guilty of imposing my own feelings and perspectives when I should have spoken less and just sat and reflected for a moment where the other person was at the time with their feelings and emotions.

Perhaps, if we try to lean on and see the world as others see – without judgment and with more empathy – we can at least come to new understandings about ourselves while providing the space for others to be heard and be seen.

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#74 Coffee with John

Inspired by the conversation, what follows is what 
CWJ #74 brought about: 

Disrupt
       create
construct 
       canalize
deconstruct 
        alchemize
mistrust
   Intellectualize 

Who are you? 
How do you see the world? 
How does the world see you?  

Erupt
   rationale applies 
Entrust 
    self-analyze
Defunct  
    crystallize
exult 
    Man arrives 

Perceptions come - discover new ones
Conclusions go - question the directions 
World views erupt - keep grounded 

#9
#4

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#72 Coffee with John, Virtual Edition

So much I can say about this dear friend. We have known each other for almost two decades or more. Our friendship is uncomplicated. I hold her friendship dear to my heart. I am grateful to have her as a light in this journey of life.

We have shared many conversations and secrets. Our coffee together this time around did not shatter any new grounds or reveal anything new — two old friends talking with each other amidst a world gone topsy-turvy.

What made the occasion ultra special is the time we set up to talk. As a mother, wife, full-time architect, and the many other hands she wears, for her taking the time to talk with me represented an ordeal. Habits, routines, day-to-day activities, had to be disrupted.

The takeaway: what habits/routines are you willing to break to dedicate to something you want to do but it’s not part of your regular day-to-day?

We get in this hamster wheel, ignoring friendships, the desire to workout, the goals of pursuing that one thing that you have meaning to do but never seem to have the time for.

We become engrossed in our habits and roles -working, parenting, exercising, practicing YXZ, or just doing our thing – that we ignore or stop pursuing other interests because we feel we must do what we are already doing. 

But, must we really do what we do all the time? All of those habits/routines will be waiting for us.  Stop. Take stock, break the routine, do something out of the ordinary. That could be waking up an hour earlier to spend an hour chatting with an old friend.

Of the few, if not the only, picture we have together.
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#71 Coffee with John

Building on my momentum, Coffee with John # 71 represented my third time meeting with a complete stranger. This time I met them through a private neighborhood FB group. 

I had posted about my CWJ project and asked if anyone wanted to meet up. Two brave souls who were willing to participate reached out. The first, I met virtually. The second brave soul I met face-to-face at a local cafe with us being the only patrons sitting down.   

We shared a lovely conversation about life and part of our history. It was an uplifting discussion, leaving me light and energized.  

In discussing the experience the next day with a friend, the question that came up was what prompts or drives strangers to meet up with me. I am not offering to buy, sell, date, or anything. And, in most cases, people buy their own coffee. All I am offering is the chance to meet and have a conversation. 

With that question in mind, I reached out to coffee mate #71 and asked her what had motivated her to meet me. 

Her answer inspired my takeaway: we need to challenge ourselves and explore life out of the bubble we surround ourselves with. 

What have you done today that challenges and takes you out of your comfort zone? It can be as simple as talking to a stranger. 

PS: I don’t have a picture from the meeting but I do have this picture from that day.