Tag: New York

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#118 Coffee with John

You have plumbing issues! I have plumbing issues! We all have plumbing issues.

Plumbing, health, emotional, or any other type of issues/distresses/stresses, we all going to experience them at some point in our lives.

But we have this perspective that either it’s only us and that the grass is always greener on the other side.

Physics dictates that indeed grass is greener on the other side but that’s because we are looking at the distance, not the ground where we are standing where flooding water might be soaking our brand-new boots.

The paradox here is that at other times we don’t notice the patch of green grass at our reach; we only focus on the drowning feeling of the situation. Perhaps that’s the myopic dichotomy of the human experience: we compare, put other people’s lives on a pedal stool, and suffer alone in our own drama.

We all have problems and challenges of varying degrees. Of course, we all have different resources and support to deal with them. Not all of us are fortunate to have the financial, emotional, or appropriate resources to tackle broken pipes, fallen down fences, or -thinking of a friend here – back surgery.

Still, no matter the resources or the tools at our disposal, my point is that we need to take a step back to empathize with others and stop looking through a prism of the “only me situation” and “if I only had their lives.”

My other takeaway from my conversation with my superb, incredibly brilliant, insightful, and understanding coffee mate for Coffee with John #118: never, ever attempt to walk 12 NYC blocks wearing new boots and a turtle neck on a mildly warm winter day. You will be late and a sweaty mess.

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#119 Coffee with John

Sitting down for coffee in New York City on a rainy, cold winter morning with one of my closest and oldest friends from college this past February triggered memories of the sweetness of a city I called home for nearly 17 years.

New York saw me grow, giving me unforgettable experiences, like running for my life after getting jumped in an apartment lobby on Halloween evening to my most memorable one: seeing my son born in Lenox Hill Hospital in Manhattan.

Whenever I step out into the New York City streets, part of me returns to a place and time of my life that warms my heart and soul. Sharing coffee and breakfast that morning with my friend moved me in a way I had not expected.

Our friendship has always gone through phases where some years we more or less lose touch. Still, no matter the years or how long we have not seen each other, we share one of those relationships where we can always pick up wherever we left off, talking and laughing about this and that.

Seeing this old friend had the same feeling that erupts within me whenever I return to New York: a coming back home in ways that feed and lift my spirit. I could not have asked for a more fitting impromptu “Coffee with John,” than this occasion.

Sounds corny, but the saying, “home is where the heart is” holds true. We can return to “home” in the relationships we carry, and in the places and people we hold close. Cherish the moments and opportunities to visit your metaphorical home.

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106 Coffee with John: Serendipitous Meeting

How many times can you say that you have randomly met a person who has been published in the popular The New York Times Modern Love section, a column you secretly had been eyeing to submit your story? 

I have the American essayist and humorist David Sedaris to thank for bringing our paths together.

Having read a few of his books and seen Sedaris live once, prompted me to ask my fellow passenger on a recent flight from NYC to NC about his latest book resting on her lap.

That started the conversation, veering into her telling me that she had read the book resting on the side of my aisle, The Situation and the Story: The Art of Personal Narrative by Vivian Gornick.

At that point, I knew this was not your ordinary passenger leisurely reading. She was one of my people, a fellow kindred spirit. The Situation and the Story is a title I had recently acquired thanks to, wait for it, Modern Love. You are probably saying, “what!?”

Exactly my thought when she told me that she had read Gornick’s book. I did a double “what” when she told me she had come across it the same way I had: reading submission tips by Daniel Jones, the editor of Modern Love.  After that discovery, she gracefully shared that her story had been published in that famous column.

Do you know how big of a deal that is? According to the stats by the editor, they receive about 5,000 submissions a year. Only 1% percent lands a spot!

It’s a huge deal, indeed. Aside from signifying that you have a way with words, it signals that a major altering event has shaped your past or current life.

My subsequent Coffee with John meeting with my fellow passenger/kindred spirit a few weeks later after our encounter made me think of the consequential questions/circumstances we deal with at different stages of our lives, questions that no matter how old you are or where you are in your life are never welcome. 

From dealing with unrequited love, betrayal, health issues, loss of loved ones, or loss of self, we are all going to face a wrecking; it is inevitable. The important answer to those questions or situations is how we deal with them at the moment or within the subsequent years.

Do we lose ourselves in the question(s)? Do our identities become bigger than the circumstances? Do we drown and bring others down with us as we are challenged to emerge from dark waters? Do we triumph at the end with dignity and grace? Do we let anger, fear, mistrust, or whatever the accompanying emotions mark, rule, and dictate our actions for years to come?

Not sure if there is a definite answer to any of those. Unscathed we will not be but, as we make our way through the murkiness of life, perhaps we need to go through different iterations to find a path closer to the better versions of ourselves. Whatever our journey, I find that we are never truly alone. We all have shared experiences where we can find a moment of connection, helping us in our pilgrimage.

In that spirit, I  encourage you to read the powerful and moving Modern Love story my fellow passenger wrote. Maybe, as you dive and lean into her story, you can find answers and a path to questions facing you.