What is our tipping point?
Why does it take some of us years to reach this moment, and others, only a fraction of that time? When does the moment come when we decide, “Enough”?
Does it take a DUI, another breakup with the same partner, or a recurring toxic interaction with a friend or a colleague?
More often, it doesn’t have to be extreme. It can be an unremarkable Tuesday when something ordinary suddenly becomes unbearable. In many cases, it is an aggregate of a long series of unhealthy occurrences that we have carried for far too long.
But no matter the event, reasons, or whether we carry part of the blame or not, taking that step to change the situation takes courage, which often entails navigating uncharted territory.
It might mean severing old habits, relations with friends and family, and ideals of who we are and what our lives should be.
Life sometimes brings us to that point without us having much control or say, but when we control and decide to dive into that unknown to change our lives, it is probably the biggest and, in our minds, the most insurmountable decision we have taken in a long time.
It is at this moment that we doubt our decision or look back and ask why we didn’t do this sooner, before reaching this point.
We can look at why we tried to make the situation work – fear of failure, the social dimensions of keeping up appearances, holding on to an ideal, or our own blindness – but only what’s in front of us matters as we navigate and get tested over and over again as we walk a new path.
This new path is fraught with uncertainty, challenges, and setbacks. It takes bravery, yes, but also self-kindness and forgiveness. It means forgiving ourselves for the Tuesday mornings when we wake up wondering if we made a mistake, for the moments we miss what was familiar even when it was harmful, and for taking so long to leave in the first place.
In those moments when we are most vulnerable, we can take solace in knowing that the unknown is filled with possibilities and new experiences – it is a space that calls out to us, waiting for us to arrive at a new beginning of ourselves and our lives.
We are not alone in this space – there is a community: those who have walked a similar path or are in the process of beginning their own, ready to offer not just understanding but proof that we can survive this, that the path forward exists even when we cannot yet see it.
Inspired by this round of Coffee with John and recent interactions with different friends, I offer these words as part of that community.
Coffee With John 