Tag: people

Posted on

#125 Coffee with John

“A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is brave five minutes longer.”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

A super spy? A wealthy, brilliant engineer, inventor, turned half-man, half-machine with imaginable powers?

What makes a superhero? Who is your superhero in your life?

My mate for this round of Coffee with John and I had talked about our superheroes, among other topics. As a community organizer, he has many stories of people becoming superheroes in their own narratives.

One story he shared with me is that of a woman who overcame nearly losing her house by taking on the lender for unfair and predatory lending practices. She went from feeling powerless as a mother with a special needs child to finding her voice, overcoming her comfort zone to tackle Goliath. Her journey forced her to do public speaking and get comfortable talking to news outlets. Today, she continues to advocate, empowering others to find their voice.

My own superhero, my late wife, faced cancer with an unwavering spirit. Even in her darkest and most painful days, she found ways to inspire and lift others, never feeling sorry for herself. Through her journey, I met a handful of superheroes who stood by our side from the start of her cancer diagnosis to the day she died. Friends and members of her extended network carried us through those challenging days, from providing a shoulder to cry on, organizing fundraisers to help us deal with medical debt to bringing us food at times when we were physically and mentally drained. In particular, her friends Maria and Becky will always be my superheroes.

I don’t know what exactly makes a superhero a hero. I know that for me has been people lending a hand without any expectations, those overcoming extraordinary challenges, individuals or communities standing up for themselves or others, and those finding ways to lift their community.

Within that definition, my coffee companion for this round is a superhero. I admire his advocacy work, honesty in handling a history of depression, and determination to use art for self-expression and to lift others. Through his advocacy and art, he is sharing stories of unsung heroes and empowering many to lift their voices.

We might not all be the best version of ourselves at all times. We stumble, we falter, and our egos and emotions sometimes cloud our judgment. But within each of us is the potential for a small act of kindness, a word of encouragement, or a helping hand that can make a world of difference, not just for others, but for ourselves. All it might take is being brave for five minutes longer than the rest.

Posted on

#89 Coffee with John

Unfortunately, 89. My coffee mate was hoping to be #88 for this edition of CWJ – a number in numerology symbolizing fortune and good luck.

Her fortune as of late had taken a turn, going from independence to dependence, richness to hard economic times. Nonetheless, she was hopeful and talked of her resilience with lots of personal and professional projects under the works.

One of her projects, inspired by her grandmother, that we discussed includes collecting stories in the form of a set of four core questions from women that intrigue her. The ultimate goal for my coffee mate is to self-publish the collection with the intent of preserving the stories of those women for future generations.

She asked me to be a part of her project by answering the questions on behalf of my wife to give voice to Lari’s story. While I can’t say or know what Lari would have answered if she was still in this world, here I am taking the liberty of sharing an excerpt from one of my responses:

Can you recount an event, or time, when your perspective shifted significantly?  How?

 As a kid, because of health reasons and this perceived notion that I was a shy child, I was sheltered and overprotected by my family to the point where it was detrimental to my self-confidence and self-esteem. As a result, I had to overcome insecurities and false beliefs about myself and my capabilities. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment when I was able to free myself from that past and those limiting beliefs but a big contributing factor to reaching that shift had to do with forgiveness. I had to let go of resentment and be kind to myself as well as towards my family…

Not, 88. But, fittingly, 89 – a number that symbolizes building and creating a long-term positive effect on the society. I don’t know if my coffee mate will ever publish her project (we met through Bumble Bizz and, aside from our conversation and a few follow-up emails, we have not touched base again – as it happens in general). All I know is that in sharing and connecting with others through her effort, she is building and having a positive effect, creating a space to share stories and, in a way, preserving the stories of different women.

Posted on

#62 Coffee with John

“I am more than I have shown you and more than you are willing to see. Let’s work our love and know each other more fully.” Mark Nepo

My first virtual Coffee with John since the lock-down/quarantine began I shared with a friend of more than 24 years. She is my sister from another mother. My Puerto Rican sista!

This woman has had my back more times than I can count. While in college, she saved my ass countless times from starving with all of her extra meal points. My first official job after graduating I owe to her. If I had a Board Committee, she has been the Vice President, giving me advice, helping me when I have been down, and just being an incredible friend all throughout the twenty-plus years that we have known each other. Her acts of kindness have humbled me and, hopefully, made me a better friend to people.

The takeaway after our three-hour conversation is that there is not enough time in a lifespan to truly know someone. Over the course of our talk, we discovered new things about each other. Nothing deeply revealing or shocking but just new facts and quirks, adding and enriching an already rich friendship.

We don’t let people see aspects of ourselves either because the opportunity never presents itself or we refuse for reasons that we only know. Also, we limit ourselves in seeing or truly getting to know someone because of our own blinders, fears, and stories we carry. The time to change that is now.

We are experiencing an incredibly challenging and taxing time in our history with uncertainty looming at every corner. If you can and are in a position to do so, I encourage you to get to know people in your life in a whole different way. You might never get a chance like this again in a lifetime. Get a book of questions to ask, spend more time with loved ones, and/or get lost in their worlds. Let them see you and let them freely express themselves so you can see them, truly see them.

My sister from another mother
Posted on

#45 Coffee with John

Running behind these posts: Coffee with John #45

I had a few takeaways from this encounter. Now I am just trying to remember them.

First, a takeaway for me: I need to expand my definition of spiritual. Or better yet, I need to define it for myself. The spectra of meanings are vast out there; the more I meet people, the range widens.

Second: sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar. We give or want to attach meaning to certain events/circumstances/coincidences when maybe what we need to do is be in that moment and let the mysteries of the universe work themselves out.

Last takeaway: grateful for people willing to meet up with me over coffee, tea or whatever they prefer. I truly appreciate each encounter.