#107 Coffee with John: Dating, Friendships, and Explorations

Lean into possibilities.

How many times do we dismiss invitations to new experiences either because of fear of newness or because something doesn’t fit our mold/expectations? From the small stuff to more hefty decisions, we are quick no say no and stay within the conform of our routines and what we know.

No to a party. No to a networking event. No to a last-minute invitation. No to hanging out with new people outside our established network. No to forgiveness. No to uncertainty. No to…you fill in the blank.

I am the first to tell you that I am guilty of it and will probably say no to many things that challenge my comfort zone. Yet, I have, especially in the last few years, leaned in more in the positive direction: saying yes and conquering many inhibitions.

Yes to opening my heart again. Yes to improv classes. Yes to new friendships. Yes to traveling more. Yes to events. Yes to engaging people and activities I would have dismissed in the past.

The positives outweigh any, if any, negatives as a result of being open to the “new” experiences.

Inspired by her recent journey and my relationship with her, my coffee mate for this round is a prime example. We met on a dating app. While I can’t speak on her behalf, I think it’s a safe bet to say that we both didn’t feel a romantic connection. It could have been easy to go our separate ways with the usual pleasantries and the empty promise of a friendship. Yet, for over a year now, we have kept and leaned into that promise of cultivating a friendship, inviting each other into our lives, sharing interests, dating experiences, and life and adventure stories. I have another such friend that I meant while I was in the dating online world.

Don’t get the wrong impression here. I haven’t befriended everyone that I had met on dating sites nor do I offer my friendship that readily. Still, the times I have and people have reciprocated, the dividends have been tenfold. I don’t know if those friendships will endure the passage of time. All I know for this moment is that my horizons have expanded with new knowledge, music, social networks, and friendships.

My coffee mate is on her own journey of leaning into possibilities, exploring untapped relationships and potentials. I am not proposing for you to follow my path. Forge your way and delve into possibilities in different areas of your life. Say yes to something that you have put aside for a while or keep saying no to. You never know where the journey will lead you. Let’s challenge ourselves to explore and see possibilities where we normally don’t.

#95 Coffee with John, Virtual Edition

I never thought getting a no/rejection letter could feel so damn good.

After going back and forth for a few weeks with the creator and editor of the HuffPost Personal, he wrote, “…let me say what a truly, truly beautiful piece you’ve written…Ultimately, the piece isn’t a fit for us. It would have to be chopped down. It would lose a lot of the love and luster and care that’s there. And I don’t want to do that. I hate having to say no (I say no 99% of the time due to my budget and limited space) but I especially hate saying it when I actually love the pieceI do hope that you’ll share this with your friends and family (and maybe you can find another home for it somewhere else too).

Receiving and reading those words made me feel relieved, heard, and acknowledged.

I had originally submitted a different piece from what I ended up writing at the end. At that time, without expecting a reply, I got an email from an actual person telling me that he would get back to me soon. (That in itself was thrilling).

After a few exchanges and connecting on a personal level, he gave me candid notes and the option to resubmit.

I am so glad and grateful for the experience of having to rewrite that original essay. The process, while emotional, I found it cathartic and liberating. It took me about two, plus weeks to finish it as revisiting memories of my wife brought tears to my eyes. But, I don’t think I would have completed the piece if it wasn’t for that initial spark the HuffPost editor ignited.

Getting published by the HuffPost would have been incredible (and a middle finger to the few people in my life that at some point discouraged or disparaged my writing abilities) but how cool is it that I ended up having Coffee with John (CWJ) with the editor, making him part of the magical seven to reach the 100 milestone to ultimately reach my 150 goal.

The conversation I had with him was priceless. He is the type of person you want to be friends with from the get-go. After some technical issues on my end with Zoom, our time went by quickly, only scratching the surface on a variety of topics. A few things stood out for me from this meetup.

One, here is a grounded individual who loves his job and gives a lot of care with the trust he is giving by hundreds of people hoping to share their personal stories with the world. The other thing that stood out for me comes down to the power of telling or putting down your story in writing. As my coffee mate and many others have noted, writing down your story can save and give your life a new direction.

If you have a story to tell, I encourage you to share it with others or write it down to exorcise those feelings, emotions, secrets out of your system. If you are compelled to submit your story to the HuffPost, please, do it. You never know where the journey might take you.

As for my essay, now more than ever, I am determined to find a home for it and see where that Odyssey leads me.