Tag: reflections

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#117 Coffee with John

“What has been your favorite Coffee with John?” I get asked this question regularly.

It may sound like a cop-out, but I don’t have a definite answer. The 116 meetings so far have all had their moment in my heart, propelling me in the direction I needed. Having said that, meeting #117 stands on its own.

My son has a high school friend whom I have enjoyed knowing throughout the years. He is bright, charming, charismatic, curious, and engaging. In the last few years, he would surprise me with a visit when he was in the area, even knowing that my son was not home.

We would catch up and have a quick conversation, but those moments always felt rushed. Whenever he dropped by, I was either pressed for work or scrambling to rush out of the house.

I can’t remember how long it had been since I had seen or heard from him after he moved out of the area. So, I was thrilled when he reached out to schedule a Coffee with John meet-up at the beginning of this year.

After going back and forth, our meeting coincided with my son’s performance for CreativeMornings Charlotte. We had to do some shuffling and running around town that morning as he doesn’t have a car, but we worked it out, deciding I would pick him up to drive together to see my son perform.

Our coffee meeting started when he got inside the car until I dropped him off three hours later at his house after the CreativeMornings event. During that time, I had the chance to express my appreciation for his energy, kindness, sensibility, and his friendship with my son.

In between, we caught up with each other, experienced a great performance (I might be biased, but it was a wonderful and magical performance), and connected with creatives and community leaders attending the event. An added benefit for me was drinking a whole lot of free coffee! My hands were jittery from all the caffeine and the excitement of seeing my kid perform in front of a full house.

I loved that we were both flexible with the circumstances. Could we have been more present with each other? Could we have delved deeper into the various topics that surfaced? Probably, but we adapted and enjoyed the in-between moments.

We reconnected. He had the chance to enjoy his high school friend at a pivotal moment in his musical journey, and I got to enjoy my son and spend time with a delightful individual.

The takeaway: Move in the direction of the momentum. Surf that wave, losing and putting aside the rigidity of what it’s supposed to look or feel like. We get so caught up in ideals and forget to adapt to the water and surf.

Not from Coffee with John meetings – taken in a trip to New York, NY
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#113 Coffee with John

When was the last time you did something for pure joy?

Most kids do that all the time. They might have some initial trepidation, but they go for the adventure, letting themselves be carried away by the moment without care or worries. They run down the hill with open arms, laughing and being present.

As adults, we tend not to be easily swayed by that hill, holding back and overthinking: it’s too steep, and what if I fall; my shoes will get dirty; I don’t have the proper attire; I will have to come back up; and a thousand other thoughts crossing our minds before we turn our backs away from that magnificent mountain top beckoning us to take the chance.

Am I an adventurous person? Have I always been adventurous?

I don’t know if I have a check box to answer either of those questions.

I have turned my back and stepped away from a promise of an adventure many times. Fear, skepticism, mistrust, and lack of confidence have been the culprits. Yet, I feel I have taken many steps forward in following a path open to exploring and running down valleys of fun wherever they take me.

It doesn’t mean my old friend trepidation stops visiting with vows of seduction, tempting me to take the bait to rest in a cradle of comfort and safety. A case in point: a few days before my Coffee with John #113 that old acquaintance came knocking hard.

No good reason or anything to do with my coffee mate but dread was getting the best of me. I don’t know why.

Perhaps my hesitation came on the heels of pondering the question a few weeks back of why I was continuing this project (a question that each new meeting provides new steadfast grounds to forge forward).

The meeting reminded me to let go of reasons, justifications, fears. Trust and run the mountain top with open arms to all possibilities.

If I had canceled or postponed the meeting, I would have robbed myself of a joyful conversation, a good coffee, and the chance to get to know an intriguing lawyer/business owner with a penchant for history, making a difference and leaving a mark in the landscape of Charlotte.

Spread your arms wide and embrace the adventure of everyday life.

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Reflection of Gratitude

This post showed up on my Facebook Memories recently, conjuring up bittersweet memories of what seems like a lifetime ago.

A sentiment that comes across is the immense gratitude for all the people that supported and carried us through those difficult times.


So many to fully and properly acknowledge, from the team of doctors, nurses and hospice workers who showed compassion and care, friends who accompanied my wife to her chemo sessions, the folks that started meal trains and fundraising campaigns, to those that were there to console me when my wife passed.


In between, there are so many people that helped my family and myself get through.
I will forever be thankful to the kindness, love, generosity and love we were grateful to receive.

I give you my gratitude a million times over.


Gracias mil

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#93 Coffee with John

Coffee with John #93

My Coffee with John (CWJ) mate for this round I met recently via an old post of a David Whyte poem that I had shared on a Facebook North Carolina Singles Group I had briefly joined and left, circa April 2020.

Somehow, as she was searching for David Whyte, she found the old post, leading her to recently contact me through my Coffee with John Facebook page. After a few exchanges, she kindly accepted my invitation to meet up as part of CWJ.

We talked about what led to our meeting and, among other things, discussed in passing David Whyte’s Consolations: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words.

In this book – a read I recommend you emerge yourself in -, Whyte takes everyday words and beautifully gives them a rebirth, expanding on their etymology and significance.

In the spirit of that book and the nature of this round of CWJ, here is my reflection/takeaway from this last coffee encounter with the word stranger as the anchor:

A Stranger

Who/what is a stranger?

A random act of generosity offered to you at a time of crisis with no reciprocity required by a person who happens to notice you at that moment when you are feeling alone with the void of familiar faces around  

A person exchanging a smile with you as they pass you, never to see them again

A passerby generously stopping to give you kind and helpful words as you seek their guidance to help you find your destination

A begrudged individual throwing insults your way because somehow your looks or way of being has offended their sensitivities.

A friend/lover/old neighbor no longer part of your lifeā€¦  

I have met a lot of strangers as part of  CWJ. Some have moved into the friendship category – until they become strangers again shall our season of friendship end.

Smiles, acts of kindness, helpful words, and ephemeral moments to cherish have all been exchanged during my coffee encounters, a journey I cherish and continue to cultivate and nurture.

 

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#68 Coffee with John, Virtual Edition

I have ventured out to increase my reach by posting about CWJ on different neighborhood FB Groups around my area.

The response has been positive with some folks reaching out, resulting in me having my first virtual coffee with a person completely outside my close network — I have had met with folks I didn’t know but they have been a direct association to Lari’s circle of friends.

The takeaway from Coffee with John #68: we never know what types of treasures we will find once we venture out.

My coffee mate, Elizabeth From Carolina, aside from kindly sharing her story, told me about an Ancient Spanish coin she found on the shores of North Carolina in a remote beach she and her family have been visiting for years. The story of her find is in itĀ  self a treasure that she can pass to family, along with the coin itself.

Connecting with a stranger and sharing a conversation for me was the treasure I found in my venturing to broaden my reach. Wander about and find hidden treasures.

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#67 Coffee with John, Virtual Edition

Took a hiatus for a variety of reasons. Mostly, my focus has been elsewhere. But here I am back with newfound energy to continue with CWJ.

Coffee with John #67 took on a special meaning. My coffee mate for this round is someone dear to me.

As a child of 10 or so, for various life circumstances, I ended up living with my older sister and her husband. They were in their mid or late 20s, respectively, when they took me and my other sister in. We ended up living with them for almost two years before coming to the United States to finally be reunited with my mother.

Around my teenage years, my brother-in-law came back to my life once again when life found him moving to the United States in pursuit of the “American Dream.” At that time, my sister, his wife, was still back in Colombia. Before they eventually reunited in the United States, my brother-in-law, ended up as my roommate in a New York City apartment for a brief period.

On both occasions – when as a kid and then back in my teenage years -, I shared many adventures with him. In many respects, he was a bother and a father figure during my formative years. Among the many adventures, he taught me how to play chess and cook certain meals, took me on unforgettable traveling adventures, introduced me to Nueva Trova, and indulged and tolerated my high-school friends, joining us to play cards on the weekends.

As he and my sister eventually returned to Colombia over 20 years ago after living in the United States for a few years, we have grown apart. Still, the bond and the many memories we shared hold us together with love, care, compassion, and kindness. We are glued together by love, family ties, and journeys shared.

I honestly had not thought of asking him to meet up for a CWJ for no reason other than I just didn’t think of it. So I was honored when he asked me if I would include him in this project.

Took me a while but we finally had our virtual meeting a few weeks back. My takeaway from our eventual meeting: time colors and filters our understanding of our world.

Nothing to do with age or wisdom but our perception/comprehension/understanding of people, an event, a text, or what have you, all depend on where we are in life. We might see the same event or person in a completely different light today as we did a few years back.
We evolve and so do our perceptions.

We might not understand something today but in a few years, we might gain a new perspective on it. The rub is that we might still not understand that thing but, at least, we might have a new insight and comprehension, informed by self-awareness, and the many steps taken in our life journey.

What that means is that perhaps we can give people, skills, or things that have alluded us before, a second, third, or fourth try throughout our lives.