Tag: the takeaway

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#113 Coffee with John

When was the last time you did something for pure joy?

Most kids do that all the time. They might have some initial trepidation, but they go for the adventure, letting themselves be carried away by the moment without care or worries. They run down the hill with open arms, laughing and being present.

As adults, we tend not to be easily swayed by that hill, holding back and overthinking: it’s too steep, and what if I fall; my shoes will get dirty; I don’t have the proper attire; I will have to come back up; and a thousand other thoughts crossing our minds before we turn our backs away from that magnificent mountain top beckoning us to take the chance.

Am I an adventurous person? Have I always been adventurous?

I don’t know if I have a check box to answer either of those questions.

I have turned my back and stepped away from a promise of an adventure many times. Fear, skepticism, mistrust, and lack of confidence have been the culprits. Yet, I feel I have taken many steps forward in following a path open to exploring and running down valleys of fun wherever they take me.

It doesn’t mean my old friend trepidation stops visiting with vows of seduction, tempting me to take the bait to rest in a cradle of comfort and safety. A case in point: a few days before my Coffee with John #113 that old acquaintance came knocking hard.

No good reason or anything to do with my coffee mate but dread was getting the best of me. I don’t know why.

Perhaps my hesitation came on the heels of pondering the question a few weeks back of why I was continuing this project (a question that each new meeting provides new steadfast grounds to forge forward).

The meeting reminded me to let go of reasons, justifications, fears. Trust and run the mountain top with open arms to all possibilities.

If I had canceled or postponed the meeting, I would have robbed myself of a joyful conversation, a good coffee, and the chance to get to know an intriguing lawyer/business owner with a penchant for history, making a difference and leaving a mark in the landscape of Charlotte.

Spread your arms wide and embrace the adventure of everyday life.

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#89 Coffee with John

Unfortunately, 89. My coffee mate was hoping to be #88 for this edition of CWJ – a number in numerology symbolizing fortune and good luck.

Her fortune as of late had taken a turn, going from independence to dependence, richness to hard economic times. Nonetheless, she was hopeful and talked of her resilience with lots of personal and professional projects under the works.

One of her projects, inspired by her grandmother, that we discussed includes collecting stories in the form of a set of four core questions from women that intrigue her. The ultimate goal for my coffee mate is to self-publish the collection with the intent of preserving the stories of those women for future generations.

She asked me to be a part of her project by answering the questions on behalf of my wife to give voice to Lari’s story. While I can’t say or know what Lari would have answered if she was still in this world, here I am taking the liberty of sharing an excerpt from one of my responses:

Can you recount an event, or time, when your perspective shifted significantly?  How?

 As a kid, because of health reasons and this perceived notion that I was a shy child, I was sheltered and overprotected by my family to the point where it was detrimental to my self-confidence and self-esteem. As a result, I had to overcome insecurities and false beliefs about myself and my capabilities. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment when I was able to free myself from that past and those limiting beliefs but a big contributing factor to reaching that shift had to do with forgiveness. I had to let go of resentment and be kind to myself as well as towards my family…

Not, 88. But, fittingly, 89 – a number that symbolizes building and creating a long-term positive effect on the society. I don’t know if my coffee mate will ever publish her project (we met through Bumble Bizz and, aside from our conversation and a few follow-up emails, we have not touched base again – as it happens in general). All I know is that in sharing and connecting with others through her effort, she is building and having a positive effect, creating a space to share stories and, in a way, preserving the stories of different women.

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#85 Coffee with John

Poised, articulate, confident and nimble in her skills.

Those were my first impressions four years ago of my Coffee with John #85 mate.

We briefly met at the time at a conference for Latinx arts and individual artists. She was one of the hosting sponsors leading some of the introductions. We talked shop briefly and we exchanged perfunctory networking emails. The end.

Fast forward four/five years later, we found each other sharing a fun afternoon that involved a boat ride with a hand-picked group of invited friends brought together by a mutual friend — the extraordinary and talented Rosalia Torres Weiner.

This mutual friend- an artist, connector, community advocate – typically invites two or three people on given days to her home by the lake as a way to connect, re-energize her creativity, and share some of her passions. That day, I happened to be one of the lucky ones to be invited to share and join in the experience, along with two other guests.

But, for a brief second, let me backtrack again to the conference. It happened that the conference coincided with the week when I learned that Lari’s cancer had metastasized to her bones. I was crushed during that time. I had not shared the news with anyone at that point. I happened to run into Rosalia at the conference and I shared the news with her, ending up with me crying and her giving me a hug. That moment passed and we went along our respective day enjoying and partaking in the three-day conference.

I don’t know how any of this relates but my takeaway is as much about how life/circumstances/networks circle back as it is about curiosity.

We have to engage and be curious about discovering the many layers of a person. We meet people all the time and we immediately make assumptions and have a set impression about them.

I am glad to report that my assumptions and impressions of Coffee Mate #85 were right on the money. She is an impressive, talented woman with many layers and rich complexities.

She shared with me some of her life experiences, vulnerabilities, and tribulations, given her an even greater depth to the person I initially saw at a podium adroitly translating simultaneously Spanish into English to a crowd of 200+ attendees four/five years.

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#83 Coffee with John, Virtual Edition

I dedicate this post to the memories, times, and to the chapter my dog, Speedy, played in my life. – R.I.P Speedy June 2008– November 2020

I felt good going into this virtual coffee with a stranger from Bumble Bizz. He had a kind face and a good disposition. If you asked me what the profile says or what he aims to get out of networking on Bumble Bizz, I couldn’t tell you without having to check now.

If on other occasions I had reservations “walking” into zoom or in-person meetups with a stranger, I didn’t this time. I had a good vibe about it.

The conversation went smoothly, with the hour flying by. It was a delightful hour interchanging experiences, ideas, stories. Still, for reasons of life, chances that we meet in person are probably nil.

The experience reminds me of conversations I have had in the past at airports, trains, coffee shops with strangers where you build rapport, share a moment, and are left with a desire to have kept in touch with that person or at least carried the conversation just for a while longer. Those moments come to pass, and those people and the conversations are all left behind in the wind of time with no going back or forward.

Remembering the countless occasions of such occurrences what comes to mind for this takeaway is the impermanence of life. Moments in life are but chunks. Friendships, interactions with people, relationships, and situations all come and go. Some last an hour, others a good season. Bask in the moments that bring you joy, and don’t dwell on the bad. All is transient. We are as well.

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#76 Coffee with John, Virtual Edition

After running around and almost not making it, I am glad I had the chance to connect with coffee mate #76, a connection from Virginia via Bumble Bizz.

Seems like the meeting happened ages ago. What is clear is how grateful I am to be able to connect with strangers and share a moment.

It’s intriguing to delve into conservation without any preconceived notions, intentions, or agenda, letting the flow of the dialogue take you in different directions leading to newfound knowledge. Like, do you know about Victoria Falls in Zambia? Or about the Stratosphere drop in Vegas? Or about endometriosis?

I didn’t know about any of those things, bringing me to my takeaway: we go around thinking we know stuff but in reality, we are only scratching the surface. The world is full of stories, universes, and knowledge we have yet to grasp, experience, and taste.

During our conversation, we talked about two column lists. On one side, the column of things to accomplish and experience in this lifetime. The other, the column of accomplished adventures/experiences/activities. I can add to that second column new things learned born out of a conversation with strangers — the list is long.

What would you like to add to your second column?

PS: If you want to learn more about endometriosis, I encourage you to follow on Instagram the story of Manda

PSS: No. This is not Victoria Falls but it is a picture from that same day when I had CWJ #76. So it seems fitting to include it:

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#74 Coffee with John

Inspired by the conversation, what follows is what 
CWJ #74 brought about: 

Disrupt
       create
construct 
       canalize
deconstruct 
        alchemize
mistrust
   Intellectualize 

Who are you? 
How do you see the world? 
How does the world see you?  

Erupt
   rationale applies 
Entrust 
    self-analyze
Defunct  
    crystallize
exult 
    Man arrives 

Perceptions come - discover new ones
Conclusions go - question the directions 
World views erupt - keep grounded 

#9
#4

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#71 Coffee with John

Building on my momentum, Coffee with John # 71 represented my third time meeting with a complete stranger. This time I met them through a private neighborhood FB group. 

I had posted about my CWJ project and asked if anyone wanted to meet up. Two brave souls who were willing to participate reached out. The first, I met virtually. The second brave soul I met face-to-face at a local cafe with us being the only patrons sitting down.   

We shared a lovely conversation about life and part of our history. It was an uplifting discussion, leaving me light and energized.  

In discussing the experience the next day with a friend, the question that came up was what prompts or drives strangers to meet up with me. I am not offering to buy, sell, date, or anything. And, in most cases, people buy their own coffee. All I am offering is the chance to meet and have a conversation. 

With that question in mind, I reached out to coffee mate #71 and asked her what had motivated her to meet me. 

Her answer inspired my takeaway: we need to challenge ourselves and explore life out of the bubble we surround ourselves with. 

What have you done today that challenges and takes you out of your comfort zone? It can be as simple as talking to a stranger. 

PS: I don’t have a picture from the meeting but I do have this picture from that day.

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#62 Coffee with John

“I am more than I have shown you and more than you are willing to see. Let’s work our love and know each other more fully.” Mark Nepo

My first virtual Coffee with John since the lock-down/quarantine began I shared with a friend of more than 24 years. She is my sister from another mother. My Puerto Rican sista!

This woman has had my back more times than I can count. While in college, she saved my ass countless times from starving with all of her extra meal points. My first official job after graduating I owe to her. If I had a Board Committee, she has been the Vice President, giving me advice, helping me when I have been down, and just being an incredible friend all throughout the twenty-plus years that we have known each other. Her acts of kindness have humbled me and, hopefully, made me a better friend to people.

The takeaway after our three-hour conversation is that there is not enough time in a lifespan to truly know someone. Over the course of our talk, we discovered new things about each other. Nothing deeply revealing or shocking but just new facts and quirks, adding and enriching an already rich friendship.

We don’t let people see aspects of ourselves either because the opportunity never presents itself or we refuse for reasons that we only know. Also, we limit ourselves in seeing or truly getting to know someone because of our own blinders, fears, and stories we carry. The time to change that is now.

We are experiencing an incredibly challenging and taxing time in our history with uncertainty looming at every corner. If you can and are in a position to do so, I encourage you to get to know people in your life in a whole different way. You might never get a chance like this again in a lifetime. Get a book of questions to ask, spend more time with loved ones, and/or get lost in their worlds. Let them see you and let them freely express themselves so you can see them, truly see them.

My sister from another mother
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#47 Coffee with John

Coffee with John #47

Takeaway: Today is the youngest you will ever be. We can look back at all of the wonderful Throwback Thursday pictures and feel nostalgic about how young we looked or we can look in the mirror today and appreciate the years we have today.

This moment in time in your life is for the taking. The past is long gone and whatever you didn’t do back then, hate to tell you, that boat sailed away long ago. There are things you will never get back or get to pursue. Does this mean you don’t get second chances or that it is too late for this or that? No.

Today is your day to amend those relationships you always wanted to fix, take that class you always wanted to pursue, go on that trip you always dreamed of, call that friend you have been meaning to reach for the longest…today is a gift for you.

Take care of what’s in front of your – job, relationships, etc – but don’t forget you in the process.

PS- I thought I had a picture of the meeting up but I guess not. Just enjoy this one instead. Today is your day. Make it wonderful.

Palomino, Colombia 2019
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#38 Coffee with John

The takeaway: don’t over think situations, especially things that are beyond our control.

We over think things, making a mountain out of a molehill. Sometimes we just need to be open to the experience and be as best prepared as we can.