Tag: write

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#127 Coffee with John

I like the concept of lessons hidden within us, waiting for us to discover them. Life’s circumstances—marriage, sickness, loss, a new job, divorce, new relationships—lead us to these explorations, whether or not we are ready to unearth anything.

The lessons these situations bring we often perceive them as points of arrival. After the battle in the arena, we wipe the dirt off our faces and feel we have arrived, with the smugness of wisdom shining through. We should bask and feel proud of discovering ourselves in the process.

Conquering the ups and downs of life requires courage and bravery. It takes self-awareness to embrace our challenges and recognize what we have learned. However, we often forget that there is no final destination. Life is a continuous journey, with the next lesson always around the corner.

Perhaps we reach a point where past lessons carry us forward, allowing us to coast for a while until the next few stops. But soon, a new point of departure will take us in a different direction. Will we embrace our new path? Will we be open to the new challenge? Will we have the endurance to free our hearts and minds from the past and meet the new future? Will we shed the aspects of our lives that hold us back? Will old patterns challenged by new paths prevail?

As I continue to meet people through my “Coffee with John” initiative, I can affirm that the answer to most of these questions is a resounding yes. Yes, we can continue to grow. Yes, we can shed beliefs that hold us back. Yes, we can embrace what seems like a treacherous road to find strength, courage, and a better version of ourselves around the corner.

The power of the human spirit is boundless and filled with infinite strength, as my coffee mate for this Coffee with John round exemplifies. Her story is hers to share, but she represents strength, resilience, and hope.

We are not alone in navigating life’s shifting roads. Our struggles, challenges, and victories are ours, but the road is filled with many who have traversed similar paths. This is where the power of sharing our stories, whether in a group setting, over a cup of coffee with a new friend, in a writing practice, or in any other form, becomes key.

Share your story to empower and give voice to fellow pilgrims.

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#124 Coffee with John

“Ancient Egyptians believed that upon death they would be asked two questions and their answers would determine whether they could continue their journey in the afterlife. The first question was, ‘Did you bring joy?’ The second was, ‘Did you find joy?’”

-Leo Buscaglia

Have you always known what you wanted to do with your life? 

Some are lucky and find their calling early in life. 

Others are still searching. 

Since the age of five, I knew I wanted to be a grant writer, a sentiment no grant writer has ever uttered! 

Clearly, I group myself with the wandering souls, not to say I have not practiced or done what I love. I have been fortunate to successfully make a living by weaving words together.

They might not be novels, plays, poems, or what we might associate with writing, but life has allowed me to work on a craft supporting the arts as a grant writer for a theatre company. Ironically, I remember two or three people early in my life telling me that whatever I did in life should not be anywhere near writing. 

Perhaps those words of doubt fueled me with a drive to push myself to master the craft, hammering each comma and period at a time, leading to where I am today. To the chagrin of my detractors, I can confidently say now that I can write a cohesive sentence.

In the last few years, I have continued to explore other aspects that call out to me. This exploration is connecting me with the inner artists I have long neglected. As a kid, I enjoyed spending endless hours drawing and painting. Chasing photography brings me that same joy. The ability to combine photography and writing through my projects is a pinnacle I continue to pursue. 

Will I make a living out of it? Is that my calling? 

 I don’t believe in having one calling in life, nor am I pursuing fame, glory, and fortune. Why not embrace a polymathic approach if one can? What I am after is nourishing my soul and engaging in what brings me joy. Equally important for me is using whatever talents are at my disposal to tell stories, connect with community, and grow professionally, personally, and spiritually.  

Sharing, learning, nourishing the soul, and challenging myself are central to my pursuits. Concurrently, these elements align with my coffee mate’s goal to build a business to help people connect with their passions, dreams, and goals. 

My place here is not to talk about her business but rather to leave you with the query: how would you answer the question posed in the quote at the start of this write-up? 

What brings you joy? How are you spending your time in this season of your life? What are you doing to share your talents with the world despite what others think? What actions can you take today to unearth those dreams and passions long buried in the treasure box of your memories?

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#116 Coffee with John

“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.” ― Rob Siltanen ( FYI: Steve Jobs didn’t write this as many think)

What is normal?

What is a “normal” life/job/livelihood/relationship?

We are all in a race to reach this so-called normal in all different aspects of our lives.

From childhood, we have been guided and instructed to follow the path of the student, professional, parent, wife, husband, 9 to 5 Joe, or whatever box fits.

But what is normal? Do we need to fit a societal mold to be considered good-standing citizens of the world?

The paradox is that what we consider “normal,” might not be for many; it all depends on where we are standing in relation to the quest. For many, college is the norm but for many financial or societal obstacles make it an untenable path.

Or even if we consider someone following/being normal, many areas of their lives or personalities might clash or defy the very same box we placed them in.

Normal becomes hard to describe and pinpoint when we get into nuances, but we can all agree that we can identify the outliners carving and hedging their unique road.

My companion for my Coffee with John #116 exemplifies the latter. I am in no position to tell her story. She is a web developer, yoga instructor, graphic designer, retreat facilitator, avid camper, future presidential candidate in the making, outdoors enthusiast living out in the woods for weeks, and much more. I admire her resilience, tenacity, and path as she makes her mark in this life.

The roads we take – normal or off the beaten path – all take us to where we find ourselves today. While we can’t retrace our steps, the beauty is that there is always a new road awaiting, beckoning us to take that first step into the unknown to create our adventure.

Deviate from the “normal” once in a while and surprise yourself.

I leave you with Robert Frost’s The Road Not Taken with this as I wrap my Coffee with John this December.

Happy holidays and best to you in 2023. Hope our paths cross as we take the road less taken.

The Road Not Taken

By Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

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#111 Coffee with John

The first meet-up of 2022, five months after the start of the year! How could that be? Where have the months gone by?

Probably the why is the crucial question here. Why has it taken me this long to continue Coffee with John (CWJ)?

A few answers: getting COVID at the beginning of January for the second time since the pandemic; a few people bailing out at the last minute; almost losing my toes to frostbite, putting me out of commission for a few months; and, to be honest, a lack of motivation.

The latter is harder to explain. Not that I have no desire to continue and meet my goal of meeting 150 people. Still, the momentum is not the same. As I have probably mentioned before, I am not the same, nor does life find me in the same spot when I started this project.

My grief, pain, and emotional toil are not the same. I am in a good place – emotionally and mentally. Life finds me experiencing love again and all the magic and adventure that comes with the euphoria of a new relationship.

What then continues to be the driving purpose of this project? Do I continue for the sake of continuing? Do I take this initiative in a different direction? Do I call it quits? As my motivation, energy, focus, and attention will divert me in different directions, how long will it take me to eventually meet my goal?

Meeting #111 served as a reinforcement of how much I enjoy connecting with people. The conversation flowed from different topics, from talking about life experiences to sharing family stories, belief systems, and the circumstances/events leading to where life finds us. In the end, I got to know a fellow friend better, gaining a renewed appreciation for a friend and his life experiences.

CWJ sets a stage for an openness that might otherwise not occur, allowing me to hear and become an active participant in sharing stories that hopefully provide value to my coffee mates and myself. This will continue to be my drive: the desire to connect and share a moment with a fellow traveler in this journey we call life.

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#95 Coffee with John, Virtual Edition

I never thought getting a no/rejection letter could feel so damn good.

After going back and forth for a few weeks with the creator and editor of the HuffPost Personal, he wrote, “…let me say what a truly, truly beautiful piece you’ve written…Ultimately, the piece isn’t a fit for us. It would have to be chopped down. It would lose a lot of the love and luster and care that’s there. And I don’t want to do that. I hate having to say no (I say no 99% of the time due to my budget and limited space) but I especially hate saying it when I actually love the piece…I do hope that you’ll share this with your friends and family (and maybe you can find another home for it somewhere else too).“

Receiving and reading those words made me feel relieved, heard, and acknowledged.

I had originally submitted a different piece from what I ended up writing at the end. At that time, without expecting a reply, I got an email from an actual person telling me that he would get back to me soon. (That in itself was thrilling).

After a few exchanges and connecting on a personal level, he gave me candid notes and the option to resubmit.

I am so glad and grateful for the experience of having to rewrite that original essay. The process, while emotional, I found it cathartic and liberating. It took me about two, plus weeks to finish it as revisiting memories of my wife brought tears to my eyes. But, I don’t think I would have completed the piece if it wasn’t for that initial spark the HuffPost editor ignited.

Getting published by the HuffPost would have been incredible (and a middle finger to the few people in my life that at some point discouraged or disparaged my writing abilities) but how cool is it that I ended up having Coffee with John (CWJ) with the editor, making him part of the magical seven to reach the 100 milestone to ultimately reach my 150 goal.

The conversation I had with him was priceless. He is the type of person you want to be friends with from the get-go. After some technical issues on my end with Zoom, our time went by quickly, only scratching the surface on a variety of topics. A few things stood out for me from this meetup.

One, here is a grounded individual who loves his job and gives a lot of care with the trust he is giving by hundreds of people hoping to share their personal stories with the world. The other thing that stood out for me comes down to the power of telling or putting down your story in writing. As my coffee mate and many others have noted, writing down your story can save and give your life a new direction.

If you have a story to tell, I encourage you to share it with others or write it down to exorcise those feelings, emotions, secrets out of your system. If you are compelled to submit your story to the HuffPost, please, do it. You never know where the journey might take you.

As for my essay, now more than ever, I am determined to find a home for it and see where that Odyssey leads me.

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#85 Coffee with John

Poised, articulate, confident and nimble in her skills.

Those were my first impressions four years ago of my Coffee with John #85 mate.

We briefly met at the time at a conference for Latinx arts and individual artists. She was one of the hosting sponsors leading some of the introductions. We talked shop briefly and we exchanged perfunctory networking emails. The end.

Fast forward four/five years later, we found each other sharing a fun afternoon that involved a boat ride with a hand-picked group of invited friends brought together by a mutual friend — the extraordinary and talented Rosalia Torres Weiner.

This mutual friend- an artist, connector, community advocate – typically invites two or three people on given days to her home by the lake as a way to connect, re-energize her creativity, and share some of her passions. That day, I happened to be one of the lucky ones to be invited to share and join in the experience, along with two other guests.

But, for a brief second, let me backtrack again to the conference. It happened that the conference coincided with the week when I learned that Lari’s cancer had metastasized to her bones. I was crushed during that time. I had not shared the news with anyone at that point. I happened to run into Rosalia at the conference and I shared the news with her, ending up with me crying and her giving me a hug. That moment passed and we went along our respective day enjoying and partaking in the three-day conference.

I don’t know how any of this relates but my takeaway is as much about how life/circumstances/networks circle back as it is about curiosity.

We have to engage and be curious about discovering the many layers of a person. We meet people all the time and we immediately make assumptions and have a set impression about them.

I am glad to report that my assumptions and impressions of Coffee Mate #85 were right on the money. She is an impressive, talented woman with many layers and rich complexities.

She shared with me some of her life experiences, vulnerabilities, and tribulations, given her an even greater depth to the person I initially saw at a podium adroitly translating simultaneously Spanish into English to a crowd of 200+ attendees four/five years.