“The answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything is 42.”
42 is also known to Lost fans as one of the key numbers deciding the extinction of mankind.
And, no! I did not turn 42 yesterday. The number corresponds to my last Coffee with John before I take off for three weeks on vacation.
Just as the number, the meeting held its own mysteries and served to be an auspicious meetup.
The takeaway: life is filled with beginnings – births, graduations, marriage, parenthood, moving, house ownership, and among the many that life brings.
Sometimes you find yourself taking the journey of a new beginning with a partner, family, or by yourself.
Each beginning can be a journey of unknowns, challenges, and triumphs.
Sometimes the hardest beginnings you undertake by yourself without the comfort of a lifetime partner or the closeness of family or friends. While challenging, if you find yourself facing a new beginning on your own, look at it as an opportunity to find and explore yourself. Get to know yourself and don’t forget to love yourself in the process.
Takeaway: We all have these notions or benchmarks of what we are supposed to be. Those beliefs dictate our actions and behaviors.
The price is that we mask ourselves and pretend to be someone or something we are not. Be honest to yourself and your being; don’t try to comfort or fit into a specific checked box. As that Bob Marley song says, “free yourself from mental slavery.”
Yes. Different occasions require us to play certain roles but, if you are constantly lying to yourself and others, then you must confront yourself.
In some rare cases, being honest with yourself might mean breaking away completely from what you know. It might mean changing careers, taking on new responsibilities, confronting fears, pursuing that long-lost passion, ending certain habits, among a hundred other things.
I hope we all find the courage to find our true selves. And, in the process, our true passions. Of course, don’t go breaking the law now because deep down inside you believe you are a fun, loving criminal.
Yesterday marked the first weekend I ever had a Coffee with John.
Typically, I meet up with people during the morning hours of the week.
The weekends are the days to do the cleaning of the house, getting things ready for the week, attending this or that event, or just tackling some sort of project I have created for myself – organize this, paint that, or just catch up with work, if needed. Always something, right?
This weekend, for the first in a while, I didn’t feel like doing any of the above. I felt tired and I was not in the best frame of mind – just stuck on my own story, you know?
Now, was I looking forward to a virtual coffee on a Sunday afternoon?
Yes, and no. Yes, because the person is someone I love dearly and had
not spoken to them in many years. And no, because I was just feeling
lethargic and irritated at the world.
The hour came and I am glad I got out of my head.
But that’s not the only takeaway. What kept popping in my mind afterwards was how we gamble with time.
We think we have all this time to have that coffee with an old friend;
take that one class we always been meaning to tackle; undertake and
conquer that alluding home project; visit all the places in our list of
countries to see and experience; call that one relative you have been
meaning to call in the last three months…the list is endless, as long
as the excuses not to tackle them. We gamble and think we will get to
those things, eventually.
Perhaps, we will. Maybe we will live for 100 years. Still, even then, I bet you, we will still have not done all the little things we put aside for no good reason.
Not to say that we all now need to get into a race against time, running wild with no regards for the future or our responsibilities.
That would be fruitless. All I can say is that we gamble with time. The irony is that we think we don’t have the time to do all the little things we say we want to do. So we just put them aside, for another more auspicious opportunity that might never come.
I don’t know if this is true but I remember coming across somewhere about certain cultures that treat each interaction with each other as if the last one, with no guarantee of a future meeting. For me, there is something beautiful about that.
Makes me cherish people more, appreciate
the day-to-day, and push myself to get out of my own head to just do one
of those little things I have always wanted to do or have meant to do.
We all make our gamble with time.
Coffee with John number thirty-something (I had lost count when I originally wrote the note).
The takeaway: gratefulness. We all have our routines, network of friends, comfort zones. Breaking out of those routines and levels of comfort to take the time to meet someone that you are not close enough or know only through a distant circle, takes courage.
We all have our routines, network of friends, comfort zones. Breaking out of those routines and levels of comfort to take the time to meet someone that you are not close enough or know only through a distant circle, takes courage.
I am grateful to everyone that has said
yes to meet me. I am grateful for your time, your stories, and your
boldness. Thank you for sharing, taking the time to meet, and for giving me your warmth.
I look forward to connecting and having more conversation over coffee (or tea).
From early this week. The takeaway: enjoy the spur- of the- moment. While visiting a family friend and doing errands on this particular day, Coffee with John just happened. Typically, I have to coordinate with people to meet up and separate a date for us to meet up for coffee. So it was nice that we just ran with the moment and the situation allowed for it.
I meant to post this last week but I am just running behind.
This session was particularly eventful for a variety of reasons. The main being that my friend surprised me with special Coffee with John mugs. See image below:
The image on the mug is that of my tattoo, a tattoo that I had conceived on my mind years, years ago but only got it done recently. I am not going to elaborate on the meaning as it is long but all I can say to you is that it has a lot of meaning for me.
Anyways, the takeaway, if I am remembering correctly what I had on my mind this particular morning meeting: learn from our friends.
My friend has always emphasized to me the power of asking for what you want. I am paraphrasing here but his motto is, “asking is free. If you get a no, so what!”
I am going to practice that more. Don’t be afraid. Ask for what you want.
The last day of 2018 I spent the afternoon with one of my favorite persons in the whole wide world: my sister. We even got the chance to do Coffee with John after she accompanied me to court to do some adulting stuff.
The takeaway of the afternoon… actually, a few takeaways: 1) to my surprise, the courthouse is opened on the 31st of December; 2) Bonnie at the courthouse estate procedures in section in Charlotte, NC rocks- she was kind, helpful and knowledgeable; and 3) just treasure your time with your siblings.
I am grateful to have a great relationship with each of my three siblings. Not everyone does but if you do, take the time away from everything and invite your sister or brother to an outing, just the two of you. And if you don’t have a good relationship, I hope you can mend those ties.
PS: Update 2021 – I actually miscounted. This would have been Coffee with John 24. I totally forgot to do the takeaway from Coffee with John #23
I am glad I went for my Coffee with John this morning. I had a great conversation with a passionate, intriguing, and energetic individual.
Still, it took effort to get out. I just woke up with a dark cloud hanging over me without much desire to interact with anyone.
The meeting went well and I came back to get ready for the rest of the day, including preparing the family meal of the day. While I was at it, I happened to catch a story on NPR about an unlikely friendship: that of the basketball player, Charles Barkley, and a Chinese chemist/scientist in Muscatine, Iowa named, Lin Wang.
I was just listening to the story with interest but without any emotional attachment. That changed when the story mentioned that Mr. Lin Wang had passed.
The mention of palliative care and some other details of the story just brought a wave of emotions, hitting me instantly and entrapping me in a swirl of tears.
Next thing you know I was just crying, sharing in the pain of Mr. Wang’s family and feeling my own unrepairable sadness.
I needed that cry. It felt cathartic.
I guess the takeaway of this morning in its entirety: honor your emotions. Let them come as they come.
Also, human connections have no boundaries. Take the time to connect with people, even when it takes effort on your part. You never know what kind of friendships you will cultivate.
Had another virtual coffee early this morning. This was my third or so and, as much as I have enjoyed them, there is this part of me that still resistant to the idea. Of course, once I have the virtual session, I can’t wait until the next.
The takeaway of today’s experience: listen and take the time to learn about other people. I have said that before but it’s worth repeating.
It’s fascinating to invest the time in others. The experience might humble and surprise you.
Coffee With John 